Hiiro's Logs
by Paz Enai
Summary: Hiiro has grown somewhat used to the oddety in the workplace that is Duo, and the changes in himself... Please read first chapter explanation on my choice spelling of "Heero". This is the brother story to my Duo's Journals.
1. Input 1: New Start

It has been brought to my attention that my spelling of "Hiiro Yui" is a little weird to some fellow GW Addicts. My reason for this spelling is merely my personal preference. 

In romanji the name would be spelt either "Hiro Yui" or "Hiiro Yui" as romanji "e"s and romanji "i"s are not pronounced the same way their English counterparts always are. I know the official spelling is Heero Yuy, and I'm not saying that it's bad, it's just that my own personal inclination is to spell it with the more romanji feel to it. The "i" sound in Japanese is more like the "ee" sound in English, and the double "ii" is an indication to hold the "i" sound for another verbal 'beat'. I kept the double "i" as a tribute to the English double "e".

If you feel that my story would benefit from a title respelling let me know. This is how I wrote the name in Duo's Journals (with a similar romanji warning note). I've received one concerned comment and I am willing to reconsider if enough people don't like this spelling.

Hiiro's Logs

Input 1: New Start

May 3, AC 200

It has been brought to my attention that Duo is being recruited by Lady Une. It would seem that he has quit his Sweeper cover-job with Hilde Schbeiker. I don't know what he was intending to do, but Une seems to be ferociously pursuing him to work with me. I haven't had luck with assistants in the past, but perhaps someone like Duo, who I worked closely with for most of the war, would be a more welcome assistant – coworker. Not assistant. I always do that.

As such, I've decided it's time to start a new log book. One for each phase of my life. In my mind, working with Duo counts as worthy of it's own book… Maybe I should quit my job as well. 

What would Une do?

May 15, AC 200

I don't know how she managed it. I never thought someone like him would be swayed quite that fast. Though, I suppose it happened fast enough that he doesn't quite realize what has transpired quite yet. I wish to know what strings the woman had to pull in order to get him housing, forms and uniform jacket so timely. My assumption is that she's been anticipating this for years.

I can't say I wasn't a little surprised to find her giddily pushing him through the door while he bantered on in confusion. To have her wish him her usual good luck and close the door on him seemed to startle some silence into him. The good luck must be something she does just for people doomed to work within the confines of this joint office, because it seems more directed to me than it is toward new employee.

I was trying to continue filing Wufei's most recent report, but he was still standing in the doorway and it was rather… unnerving. When a full fifteen minutes passed I asked him if he intended to set up his desk. He moved after that, but still in a haze.

This might prove to be difficult.

June 18, AC 200

It has slowly come to my attention that Duo… I don't know how to term this without it sounding odd.

He seems to look at me rather a lot. It makes me a little uncomfortable, but he's nothing if not nice to me. His humor is a bit odd, I'll admit. I find it hard to follow sometimes. I've forgotten how… spontaneous and talkative he can be if you let him. Granted he's much more controlled now than I ever recall him being during the war. I suppose that's the blessing of maturation. It's odd looking at him now and trying to remember how he was then. He's taller, for certain, and his voice is slightly deeper, but he also, somehow, seems slimmer than he did then. There is the chance that this is just due to his growing taller and the development of his features into adulthood…

I wonder why these things intrigue me so?

Damnit.

June 29, AC 200

I believe I may have done something to upset Duo. He seems rather put-off about something, though I honestly couldn't tell you what. He was teasing me in that harmless way he does that makes me believe he's layering more sexual innuendo into each word than should be verbally possible. I'm not sure what I did in response, because I certainly didn't say anything – how do you respond to something like that?

I don't think I made a face, I generally can tell when I do that…

I get the feeling that he watches me sometimes. Though it's hard to tell really. I feel it would be a little too standoffish for me to go up and ask him about it, and for some rather obvious reasons, I don't want him to leave like I did my other coworkers.

I wish I understood these things a little better.

Is there really anything interesting to watch in me?

July 8, AC 200

Duo's behavior has been rather interesting, as of late. I get the feeling that he wants to say more to me than he ever actually does. There are things in the way he talks that make me believe that he is thinking one thing, but saying another.

I'm just concerned that I wont know how to tell him to speak his mind without opening the floodgates. It's not like I mind Duo talking. It's just that I can only handle so much. He is already pushing my limits in his own way. Honestly, I think he does it on purpose. I doubt he could be pushing me this way and not overdoing it if he wasn't. It makes me yearn to know what form of training he had in life to make him so able to read people the way he does.

July 21, AC 200

Something happened last night. I can sense it on him. He's acting fairly casually, but something isn't up to par with his usual demeanor. I know I've only been working with him for two months, but I knew him before that as well and I've never known him to be this… quirky.

I can't say that what happened was bad, it's just causing a bit of a duality within his features. His smiles seem more like frowns, but his frowns seem more like smiles. Does that even logically make sense?

Someone made a joke in the hall about missing one night stands like back in college. He laughed gustily to that. I didn't stay to listen, I don't think the small gathering would have really appreciated me holding back to observe their conversation. When he came back into the office, though, he seemed in better spirits – or rather, of a more consistent bearing.

I find him to be far more interesting than should be healthy.

What am I going to do about this?


	2. Input 2: Tides

Hiiro's Logs

Input 2: Tides

August 2, AC 200

It has come to my attention that Duo has a variety of emotional phases, if that is an appropriate term. It seems there are parts he wishes to hide and parts he enjoys showcasing about his inner workings. I am extrapolating by saying that certain external forces are pulling and pushing at these various parts causing something of a variance in his day-to-day behavior.

There are days when he seems generally happy, or pleased, and some days where it seems more forced. I have seen the glint in his eye that hints to his previous incarnation of Shinigami-Sama, as well. There are other examples, but I find myself hard pressed to identify their meanings or purposes.

I feel almost inclined to write a dissertation on him, but figure that might be pressing my ever-thin luck. I'm not entirely sure he'd appreciate that. Then again, he's not like me in the slightest.

August 14, AC 200

I received a call from Relena today. She still sounds a little hurt about how things ended, though with as much time has passed, I'm rather amazed. I suppose she's still not certain by what I meant when we talked, but I really can't explain it any other way. I know I tried as best I could; when I thought about her, I could never see just her. I see the people she associates with, I see her job, and I see her education. I see the people I can't be around if I'm at her side. While I've never really expected much out of life, I can't deny that living in such a way will cut off many of the possibilities that I'd still wish to explore.

Talked with Trowa today as well. He seems to be doing well. He's been nominated for some 'Rising Star in Circus Performers' Award. He has some act to pull with Catherine at a regional competition in a few months to see if the act will make the cut. I can't say I understand it too well, but Trowa seemed rather excited about it, so the least I can do is wish him luck. Will update when he tells me more.

August 30, AC 200

There was a meeting today. It was a rather portent meeting. I'm still rather surprised I was pulled into his mess, as it seemed to have very little to do with my own person. I suppose, as Duo and I are partners now, that it reflects poorly on me as well, as was the argument.

Sally came to me an hour into my shift and told me that she had brought Duo to Une's office. I was to meet her there in another hour. I wasn't sure why they hadn't at least let Duo come to the office first…

Apparently Duo has started up a habit of being a little self-destructive. It has been observed that he goes to less than respectable parts of town doing less than admirable acts. As a member of Preventers, much less as a member of society, it's highly frowned upon. There was a formal interrogation between the ladies and him. I was taken in later and given the details.

As they talked, Duo was more deflated than I think I've ever seen him. I'm not entirely sure he's proud of his actions, but I also believe he's more upset with getting caught. It's this latter detail that troubles me most. We were informed that Duo was to undergo a counseling of sorts, more of a rehab, I suppose. My role seems to be that of a passive observer and to make sure he stays the straight and narrow. We were informed of the negative consequences this will have on his status should the words get out. Mine may be taken down as well, as I work closely with him on a daily basis.

His only concern was if this would be released to the rest of the office. This is a negative, it may be made known that he has counseling (if he wishes to disclose it), but it's nature is not to be revealed regardless of anything that may occur, lest he wish to loose his job.

He was then dismissed and I was asked to stay behind.

Sally seems to be very worried about him. I told her, countless times, that I have no way of knowing what spurred on this behavior. We are not that close. She dismissed me after that and told me to try to keep a watchful eye on him. I didn't mention that I already am.

What is it about him that throws of my perception?

Sept 19, AC 200

Duo seems to have taken to the counseling well and I've noticed some of his dualism has vanished through the course of this treatment. I'm rather upset to know the true cause to that mysterious behavior set. He's does not seem to be getting as enthusiastic as he did prior to this whole ordeal, as one might suspect. Perhaps that's just the nature of the beast.

I've noticed myself being more supportive and conversational with him. I don't know what it is about him that makes me do this. I feel like he was always the one to do this for the rest of us during the war. I suppose it's just my way of repaying him.

Is what Relena said back then really true?

October 1, AC 200

Duo has successfully graduated from his extra-curricular services and is starting to show more signs of his typical attitude around the office. Unfortunately this means he's right back to pushing and testing me. I don't know what it is about me that causes him to pursue these antics. Needless to say, he wont let me revert to the quieter version of myself that I was before and instead entices me into casual conversation. I can't say he does it too often, but again, I think this has something to do with his ability to read into my limitations. I'm not sure how to tell him to stop, but at the same time, I wonder what he'd do if I comply without complaint? As it is now, I'm merely hesitant, but do occasionally cave to his blarney.

Push and pull. Much like an ocean.


	3. Input 3: Days of Birth

Hiiro's Logs

Input 3: Days of Birth

October 19, AC 200

In observing Duo, I've noticed with awe his recondite ease of adjusting to the work environment of this office. I am making these notes because I've been working this job for nigh on two years now, and yet he seems to have mastered it and all it's social intricacies before I have. I can't say it's due to education or upbringing, because I haven't any proof that he's received either. It's even more to the point that his previous job was on the exact opposite end of the legal spectrum, and yet the transition seems to have been nearly seamless. I make the exception of his one hiccough, though there is no way for me to determine if that behavior was common in his previous occupation or not.

I understand that there is no reason for me to be angry with him, yet I can't seem to suppress the emotion. His nonchalant perturbs me. The more frustrating aspect is that I can't determine the cause for this perturbation. 

November 16, AC 200

I have received an email transmission from Catherine notifying me of her and Trowa's passing of the preliminary cuts for the Rising Star of Circus Performers Competition. I am assuming that Trowa was occupied at the time and gave her my contact, but it still bothers me a little. I've told him to not do this in the past. I wish he'd understand it makes me uneasy. I'm sure he'd just tell me to relax. "We're alive and the war's over, we need to create new lives for ourselves." I'm sure.

Regardless, I'm happy for them. It looks like they have a lot of traveling to do for various performances around the ESUN. I'll be sure to call them when I find where they are performing next. I shouldn't have too much trouble locating where they will be staying, after all.

When I told Duo this information he nearly jumped me in excitement. It was… frightening. I postulate he and Trowa lost contact at some point. I suppose, given the nature of both of their (previous) occupations it isn't too hard to understand. He fairly ran into the hall declaring that his friend was "gunna be the next greatest performer the world's ever lain eyes on". His support was pleasing…yet embarrassing. I'm not sure what Trowa will think when I tell him…

November 27, AC 200

Somehow Duo learned that my legal birthday was last week. I'm not sure who told him this information and I'm unsure if I should flay or thank them. I don't understand what it is about the man, but somehow he determined that it was his responsibility to find a suitable gift for me. I was doing my damndedst to make him to forget about it, but he didn't seem to accept that as an acceptable option. I suppose he finally tired of my stubbornness though, and instead brought me in something that I'm sure was just to prove to me that I should have given him a better idea.

It was one of those dancing ladies that people return from vacation to a tropical location with. Grass skirt and such. I wasn't sure how to react when he gave it to me. He expected this though. "Maybe next time you'll help me out a bit. Ass." I believe that was how he put it…

I wasn't sure what to do with it at first. He had to run off to some hearing or meeting or another such, so I took the opportunity to take it out of the box and look at it. It's actually rather interesting. When I heard him returning I diverted my attention, though. It took me clear until I arrived at my apartment for me to realize I'd left it on the windowsill behind my desk. I doubt he'll see it there from where he sits, but I think I'll leave it anyway.

Some part of me is saying that I should reciprocate, so I will hereby make note that his birthday is next month.

December 5, AC 200

While I know it was a few days preemptive, I gave Duo his gift today. I'm not sure if this happens to other people as well, but there was some form of anticipation that was nibbling at me until I could no longer tolerate it. I think I stunned him as well, something I don't think I ever truly have seen before. I suppose in the beginning of the war when we didn't know each other, I may have done such, but I never saw his face while he reacted thus.

It was a small, I don't know how gift giving really works, and I didn't want to make him feel like I was trying to out do him… It's odd how I still feel… nervous? I guess that's what it was. I've felt this way before, but it was usually for much more 'the future of mankind' dependant decisions. 

It was just a watch, I'd realized that during the war he had one, but seemed to be lacking one as of late. Since he often asks various people the time when he's walking around, I figured I'd save him the trouble. I know he's comfortable with talking to people in almost any circumstance, but something tells me he feels bad about constantly bothering people for such a thing.

I think I did well. When I gave it to him he just looked at me for a while. It took him the cue of my raised eyebrow before he spoke at all. "What's this?" I explained that it was his birthday gift, and as a thank you for mine. His eyes lingered on mine a bit and I saw such a confusion of emotions that I'm honestly not sure what they were. When he opened the box I think I realized he was holding his breath. I thought perhaps I'd made a mistake, but then he suddenly embraced me.

I've never had anyone embrace me like that before. I can't say I knew what to do. I'm merely thankful we were in our office and that the door was mostly shut. When he suddenly let me go he was giddier (ecstatic?) than I believe he's ever been. He thanked me profusely and then put it on before running off to do whatever it is he had to do first thing this morning.

When I saw him later he was still beaming. I almost couldn't contain a small smile myself.

How _does_ he do that?

----------- -

_Paz Note:_

_GAH, Hiiro's logs are so hard to write! ; I just don't think the way he does, that and my Ingrish is sooo bad that I have to constantly be looking back and forth between my thesaurus and dictionary... it's such a mental workout! I hope this gets easier as I go…_

_As a slight bonus, I'll let you all know that on Dec 5__th__, when Duo ran out of the office, it wasn't for a meeting. I wont be going back in time to write Duo's POV for this time, so I'll just go ahead and tell you that he ran off to the bathroom to pull himself together. He was so surprised and happy that Hiiro noticed this little detail about himself that it almost brought him to tears right there in the office. Hiiro doesn't know this, but you do _


	4. Input 4: Holiday Alpha

Hiiro's Logs

Input 4: Holiday Alpha 

Dec 24, AC 200

Christmas Eve. I suppose to many people around the world this day is an important holiday. For me it just marks the official end of the war, the final battle. War was fought on many days of the year though. This one day is no different than those. I work the other days of the week, so why should I not also work this one? I have no family to celebrate with, and nothing much to celebrate about. I realize there are people out there that will say "but you are alive, surely that is something to celebrate?" Honestly, I can't be certain of that. Perhaps if I were not in existence, the war would have ended sooner. If I hadn't made that first major mistake of killing that shuttle of peace negotiators, the war wouldn't have ever fully started. Would the other pilots have been able to do it without me? Who would be have piloted Wing in my stead?

These are the types of thoughts that Christmas brings to me. And if nothing else, these thoughts are nothing to celebrate.

I daresay that I was surprised to see Duo at work today as well. He caught my eyes on him at one point and asked me what he was looking at - I never understood the meaning of that half-cocked smirk he has. I was unsure how else to phrase it so I just said what was on my mind, a fact I realized later was rather uncanny coming from me. He blinked at me a second before shrugging and complied with "I'm not so much religious like that. 'Sides, who'd I celebrate with?" A fair enough response; he seemed to understand that I wanted a little more, though and continued to tell me that while he was with Hilde they held some mockery of the event where they exchanged some small trinket or another, but that they never cared much for it's formalities. He did, however, allude to the fact that he'd be going to a service of some variety either this night or tomorrow at some point. I find it hard to determine if he's religious or not, based on such information.

I wonder if this holiday makes him think of the same things that I do?

Dec 25, AC 200

Upon returning to my apartment today I found a small envelope was forced under my door. Normally I'd be cautious about such a thing, but the obvious holiday trim of the envelope piqued my curiosity and I found myself opening it without second thought.

It was an unsigned card wishing me a 'Happy Holiday and a Great New Year'. There was a small note written on the inside. It was short and reads:

"I know that this time of year means pain and death in your eyes, but keep in mind all the people who are still alive today because of what you have done. They are all celebrating today because you upheld their right to live." 

I don't know who sent it to me, but it warms me nonetheless. There are quite a few people I can potentially see doing this, I'm just not sure the practicality or reality for each…

Jan 23, AC 201

The New Year has begun, like each year before it, with work to be done. We are approaching the Annual Report deadline now. I can truthfully admit that this is my least favorite part of this job. As if to make me feel better about my own social shortcomings, Duo seems to be taking it a little worse than I am. When I told him the nature of the process he understood it and got right to work. When he updated me on his status to make sure everything was in order he was confident. 

It was in mentioning the meeting that seemed to have thrown him slightly sideways. He immediately asked me what I meant. As I was quite clear the first time I said it, I merely repeated what I had said. That seems to have been the wrong thing to do. He firmly latched onto my shoulders with more strength than I ever gave him credit for and veritably twitched a suddenly furrowed brow. His words were tense and concise, with whom and when was this meeting to be held? His clear unease made me wary to respond, but I managed to tell him that it was the head of each department and the CEO. This also seemed to have been the wrong response. He then asked if it was true what the others said and that he'd have to go. Sadly, I had to inform him that the heads of the Rating and Processing Committee are in fact the two of us.

My assumption is that he'd heard rumors about the meeting from other employees, but was taking them with a grain of salt until he heard it from me. Apparently he was not expecting to have to hear it from me at all. I don't see what the problem is; he's just fine around the other employees.

Feb 12, AC 201

I cannot comprehend what transpired today.

Duo and the Chief apparently do not… see eye to eye. At first things seemed as they should. Duo was tense, it was only his first attendance of such a meeting and I don't think he understood the scale of it. The best word for his overall bearing was twitchy. He seemed unable to maintain a still posture.

The Chief cannot stand movement during a meeting and suddenly snapped out to the man he's never met before. Duo reacted as a POW might, and froze with a careful look to his assailant. The man questioned Duo, but the latter seemed unsure how to respond. When the Chief pressed with a little more force, Duo looked away and smirked. As one might expect it was clipped words after that which climaxed when the Chief jumped to his feet. 

I believe Duo would have followed suit if not for Sally suddenly jumping on the case and talking him down. When he finally sat he asked the room at large why such an impudent man was present. Sally replied with a curt, "Because Lady Une hired him." The Chief looked to her in stark disbelief, knowing full well that it will take more effort than it's likely worth to convince Une to fire someone she hand selected.

After that, the meeting continued in a form of strained normalcy. When adjourned, Duo was the first out. I wanted to question the Chief, but was stopped by Sally who mouthed to me 'Too many Alphas'. 

When I returned to the office I didn't immediately see Duo. I noticed him when I turned to close the door and found him leaning against the coat wall. He was mumbling something incoherent, but then announced that he needed a nap. When I questioned this he turned to me as if just noticing my presence. 

"If I just curl up under my desk and take a nap, would you tell?" Is what he asked. I questioned him again, not sure I was on the same page as him, much less reading the same script. "I tried so hard to… God I can't stand people like him!" At this prompt, there was more incoherency laced with a large vulgarity quotient. He rubbed his eyes then asked me if I would 'fetch him' a tea or coffee. When I returned he had taken our coats and made himself a nest, of sorts, under his desk. I probably wouldn't have seen him, if not for his earlier tip-off. He was well hidden.

Half an hour later his computer chimed and he got up to turn it off, took a gulp of the now cold beverage, and replaced the coats. From thence, the day was normal.

Alphas indeed.

---------------- -

_Paz Note:_

_Take a Wild-Assed guess who it was that sent the card… Hint: DSHC_

_Not yet? G.o.D. _

_Not yet? DM._

_Not yet? 02. _

_Get it yet? Yup, He wrote it very careful so that Hiiro wouldn't detect his slang and speech mannerisms._


	5. Input 5: Performances

Hiiro's Logs

Input 5: Performance

Feb 27, AC 201

Things perplex me more easily these days. This may be due to the fact that Duo is some form of professional at this, or because, in my noticing his idiosyncrasies, I am finding it hard to understand his hypocrisies. Confusing, but true nonetheless.

There was a tactics meeting today. Nothing major, but enough that they asked the both of us to come. Duo has never been to one of these. This time I made sure to tell him the details in full, as best I could. Though anxious about the Chief being there, he seemed more comfortable with the arrangement. How does one pick and choose which meetings to fear? The major reason I personally don't like the Annual Meeting is due to the prep work. I'm not sure why he was worried about it though; we nearly got the paperwork done at a third the speed it usually takes me.

Otherwise, the tactical meeting was as usual. The Chief gives us the mission parameters and stats, Sally and I debate potential solutions. As soon as Duo understood that the Chief would not interfere with this exchange, he chimed in as well. Rather, he jumped in, stated an impressive course of action and asked our thoughts. I was rather speechless, but Sally beamed at him in that frighteningly bright smile she has and relayed the decision to the Chief so he'd understand it completely. He looked reluctant to accept the plan, but when he realized that all three of us were in agreement he nodded and dismissed us. I didn't fail to notice the glares exchanged between Duo and the Chief though…

I was just pleased that Duo did not decide to take a nap afterwards.

Mar 20, AC 201

Trowa called me to inform me that his final show it to be held tomorrow in Germany. It will be televised, if Duo and I are interested in watching. I've noticed that there has been no media coverage of the event and I wonder this. After that is the formal event with judges, to be held next month. I told him about Duos earlier enthusiasm and he laughed heartily. It's a good laugh; I rather wish I heard it more often. 

I told Duo the information and he immediately told me we should watch it together. I raised a brow at him, something that I seem to recall Wufei doing a lot when addressed by Duo and only recently starting to understand. I would have asked him for clarification, but he immediately amended that I should 'come chill at his place'. He rambled on for a few more minutes about how amazing it would be to watch Trowa and lament that we couldn't be there in person. I wonder if his excitement is vicarious in nature. He doesn't quite seem the type of person who would desire working in an office. 

Then again, I'm not either.

Mar 21, AC 201

The performance was nothing short of spectacular. It's reassuring to see the skills Trowa was taught to fight a war could so perfectly be transformed into an art form enjoyed en masse. Duo was emitting joy and I fond myself unable to sit too close to him for fear of the occasional hooting fist, cheer or jeer. I wonder how he has so many fronts: the Soldier, the Optimist, the Cynic, the Kid… I'm sure they are all conscious identities that he controls. I reassure myself that if he were Dissociate Identity that I'd have picked up on it by now. 

As I was already at his living environment, Duo asked if I wanted to eat there. He offered to cook or order out. I was afraid of intruding, but he insisted that I stay. Declared me the kind of person who'd likely never eaten pizza. I have, by the way. We ordered out in the long run. When the pizza arrived he got us some plates…

He handed me a beer to go with it. Until this point, I have never held one. The most alcohol I drink is the occasional wine or champagne that props up at the types of events I used to attend with Relena. I am not a drinker and I can't say I was thrilled to be exposed to it there. At the same time, I was afraid to tell Duo, who had resumed his seat and starting into his food and drink – a beer in kind to mine. We were still before the TV and as such were not facing one another, so he never saw my hesitant reaction. 

It's in my nature to not let a host down. It's one of those things I just can't find it in me to do, and I suppose this had some part in how my relationship with Relena ended. I opened the bottle and took a sip. Not to my taste, no surprises there. I ate my delectably horrible food and made sure not to let him notice me ignoring the bottle. When I left I thanked him for the food and drink, which I raised as an indication. I waited until I was out of eyesight before I disposed of the otherwise untouched brew.

I feel a little bad about being unable to tell him the truth, I find I'm usually more upfront with people. But again I find myself trying to make exceptions for him. I don't know how I can keep feeling like this. I wonder if he has this impact on everyone. I suppose I should ask someone the next time I see one of them.

_Paz Note:_

_Hmm… Seems I missed a post. I'll try to make up at least 500 words over the weekend (that means one of the posts will be 1500 instead of 1000)._

_The Chief will never get a name. Cause I don't want him to. XP_


	6. Input 6: Mistakes

It has been brought to my attention that my spelling of "Hiiro Yui" is a little weird to some fellow GW Addicts

_I know this is now on the first chapter and my user age, but…_

_It has been brought to my attention that my spelling of "Hiiro Yui" is a little weird to some fellow GW Addicts. My reason for this spelling is merely my personal preference. _

_In romanji the name would be spelt either "Hiro Yui" or "Hiiro Yui" as romanji "e"s and romanji "i"s are not pronounced the same way their English counterparts always are. I know the official spelling is Heero Yuy, and I'm not saying that it's bad, it's just that my own personal inclination is to spell it with the more romanji feel to it. The "i" sound in Japanese is more like the "ee" sound in English, and the double "ii" is an indication to hold the "i" sound for another verbal 'beat'. I kept the double "i" as a tribute to the English double "e"._

_If you feel that my story would benefit from a title respelling let me know. This is how I wrote the name in Duo's Journals (with a similar romanji warning note). I've received one concerned comment and I am willing to reconsider if enough people don't like this spelling._

Hiiro's Logs

Input 6: Mistakes

April 17, AC 201

Wufei stopped into the office today. I believe this is the first time I've physically seen him in almost two years. I believe it's been longer for Duo, but somehow the two of them just… 

I have always felt a common thread with Wufei. When I was on Active Duty with him I never doubted him for a second, and you could say that level of trust budded into a friendship. We could never do too much in the way of down time, but we did go to an occasional eatery or event in whatever location we were stationed in at the time. Our occasional involvements were never anything as sudden or consuming as… anything is, I suppose, when you throw Duo into the mix.

I'm going to admit, Wufei has the bad habit of barging through doors without knocking. It can get rather irritating. Duo was practically falling asleep at his desk waiting for Sally to get something back to him and nearly fell out of his chair at the sudden intrusion.

Wufei stopped, startled at the clangor, but then turned to me as if to say "Well that answers my first question." Then he turned back to Duo, who was looking about rather dazedly – the half-consciousness of sleep likely befuddling his senses. I can't say Wufei is one for tact, and the words out of his mouth were "What in Seven Hells are you working here for?" There must have been humor in it, because Duo chuckled lightly and Wufei replied with a smirk. From there they engaged in casual conversation. How are you finding things here? Hiiro not kicking you out yet? How's the apartment? And the like. I had to step out for a while, so I missed what happened next. 

When I returned in the next half an hour, passing a flustered Sally on the way, I found the two of them laughing and speaking glibly to one another. I raised a brow, but the two just laughed out a bit harder. And when I say laugh I mean that Wufei was rather snickering and Duo was trying so hard to not make a sound that it seemed his lungs might have collapsed. 

They refused to indulge me on what matter had been so entertaining. I didn't precisely press it, though I would have liked to know. My sneaking suspicion was that it had something to do with me, as my presence seemed to make it harder for them to suppress their mirth. 

When they calmed enough to breath regularly, Duo invited me out to eat with them that evening. They were not sure where they'd be going yet and wanted to know if I had input on any food or entertainment locations. I declined. I'm not one much for social interaction, and going to places which I am unfamiliar tends to put my senses on edge. I also felt I might damper their spirits, which would seem rather rude.

I used to go to small places with Wufei before. I feel I don't deserve his trust any more and don't want to keep him down. I'd also wager that Duo's presence is more enjoyable than mine ever was.

April 18, AC 201

They apparently decided to go bowling. How they came to that decision I'll never know. Allegedly they both 'sucked' at it though. Something about the floors being waxed and bumpers. I'm not entirely positive I want to know. From the way Duo told the story I'm led to the belief that they broke into an alley after hours…

Wufei will be stationed here for the next month. He has repeatedly asked me if I'll have free time to do anything with him, I keep telling him I'll think about it. I don't know why he cant just acknowledge how things turned out. I don't know why I try to let him think I can. He can see through it, I'm sure. Of the five of us, he's clearly the most intellectual, and I've seen how well he reads other people.

I do miss the field. I just wish I didn't hear it's call so strongly.

April 29, AC 201

I finally folded and went out to eat with Wufei. Duo wasn't there, which was probably good for all the reasons that it wasn't. It was a small restaurant. Nothing overly fancy. No hidden entryways. Ever-watchful host and wait staff. Low priced meals. Perfect.

I knew exactly why Wufei wanted me there, and he didn't let me down. I've been waiting for this conversation for exactly two years.

He claims that he can clearly see in my eyes how much I miss Active Duty. He thinks I should try for an appeal and get reinstated. I think it's rather pointless. I've proven that the Perfect Soldier is still alive in me and that he still can't comprehend the term 'civilian' very clearly. The human in me is terrified of this. I thought this behavior had been dissipated, or at least well-controlled, by the time I enlisted - if not by the end of the war. It's the fact that I can't remember what triggered me that keeps me from doing that which I so exhaustively long for.

It took me a whole day to remember the mission parameters. It took anther five hours to remember what my part in it had been. That something in that mission triggered training that is now at least fourteen years old… I still don't fully remember what I did. All I can be thankful for is that I didn't kill anyone, even if just barely. I can't allow anything like this to happen again. 

My training is telling me to continue to fight, Odin Lowe's memory is telling me to follow my heart. My heart is torn. But my mind wants to fight, and some part of my heart knows that, under Preventers, I can do a great deal of good. But my heart also knows that it cant trust my mind with the possibility of another such devastating slip-ups.

Silvia Bernard. I'll never forget that name.

I should send another letter tomorrow…

May 6, AC 201

Inspections are due soon. We seem to be running a little off-schedule this year. Usually Relena makes a point of coming earlier than she did the previous year. She hasn't been any busier than usual, and as the ex-Queen of the World Nation she makes her own schedule. No one would dare considering to tell her a time to meet them, after all. 

I'll expect her before the month is out, lest she no longer aims to keep the one year arrangement.

Wufei departs today. He seemed rather sad to be going. Duo and he were chasing each other around the building and taking as many cigarette breaks as humanly possible. I doubt either of them got anything done. He gave me one more plead to file for an appeal and I finally admitted to him why I won't. He was saddened but seems to have accepted my response. He didn't dwell on it, and Trouble came in just on cue to tell "Wu" that he should "Be carefel o' dem pimps and ho's on the road, man," and then something about 'dick squelching'. I can pretty much assume that I'll never want to know what the Hell they'd been doing all day that they had reached this level of vulgarity. My only comfort in this is that Wufei turned a perfect beet red before making to deck Duo.

The anomaly pervades.

_Paz Note:_

_I've started the Next one... Sorry I'm so far behind It takes me a whole hour longer to do these __right__ than it did for me on Duo's, as such, to make it easier on me updating every day, I'm going to lower the word count to 750 per day. This one is just a little under 1300 (when you take out the opening statement)._


	7. Input 7: Relena

HIIRO Gets worried about relena, calls her

Hiiro's Logs

Input 7:

May 15, AC 201

Relena still has not shown, it's been over thirteen months now. I'd be less worried if it were any other person, but I know Relena's tenacity when it comes to timeliness. I made an attempt to call her today, but only made it as far as Pagan. He told me that she must have forgotten, as she's been incredibly busy as of late. He told me that he'll make sure she gets the reminder and that she'll get under way as soon as she is able.

While I understand that she's never without a plateful of work to be done, I know Relena has at least two major skills: time management, and delegating tasks to highly qualified persons. I looked into it and found that she's been delegating considerably less this year than she did in previous ones. Her inflow, on the other hand, has only been slightly lower than usual. I'm not entirely sure what this means. She's usually eager to come out; possibly because each time she makes another attempt at getting the failed attempt of what was knows as 'us' back together.

I was trying to think of what may have changed, when I remembered that Duo probably had no idea what we all meant when we said 'inspections. I had to take the time to explain that that she wont be checking our desks or personal items, nor even the work we've done. He was confused, but when I told him that the whole purpose was for her to evaluate our people skills and to see that we were fit to work for Preventers he just nodded and smiled. I think he muttered something along the lines of "Sounds easy enough," but who knows with him. I can't seem to find any rhyme or reason in his behavior and I'm rather getting tired of searching for it.

Maybe if I just sit and listen to the music I'll slowly be able to pick out the parts.

June 8, AC 201

Relena came to do inspections today. While I feel better knowing that there wasn't some secret catastrophe that was keeping her away, I can't help but notice that she wasn't quite up to her regular. Case in point: I don't think Relena likes Duo.

I'm uncertain if Duo understands her attitude towards him, but he's still trying to be civil. She was being the stubborn version that would make an Oz General falter, but it barely seemed to have troubled him at all. I doubt she even recognized his mild confusion. The only reason I was able was simply due to the fact that, every now and then, he searched for my attention with his eyes with a message that can only have read "What the Hell?" unwittingly across his features. I don't understand why he feels safe showing this possible weakness to someone like me. I suppose I am a comrade ex-Gundam Pilot and he does work with me, but is that really enough?

I'm finding reason to suspect that he thinks more of me than that; thinks of me as a friend, even. And I suppose I am in kind to that, I did after all go to his house for strictly entertainment purposes. Besides Wufei, he's probably the only one who's offered so much for me here. I don't exactly feel comfortable with everyone else. I may even be a bit envious of his complete ease with the other workers…

It is in that regard, perhaps, that when Relena came into our office to talk to me later, or so I assume, she was displeased to see Duo still there as well. I suppose she was unaware that Duo was working with me to fill the previously vacant desk, though I cant say I know where she was expecting him to be working. She stared at the side of his features a second too long before glancing back to me. She tensed slightly. I don't think we were meant to notice, I am sure Duo observed the action just as easily as I did.

When she had my full attention she allowed herself to start – indeed asking to talk. I can only assume over what, because she immediately added 'in private'. Duo then offered to leave the room, and I'm sure he was just trying to escape the tension in the air that seems to trigger his flight response (e.g. Annual Meeting). Normally I think I would have handled this situation better, but Duo seems to have some sway of influence over me, and I found myself rather sharply telling Relena that we had a lot of work that we really could not afford to put off. It was true, but I felt terrible denying her like that. She deflated slightly, but said she understood, and then turned on her heel and left. I might have felt worse for her, if she hadn't leveled a glare at Duo as she left.

When the door shut, Duo immediately turned to face me sputtering – there is no other word for it. I herd, possibly, every fifth attempt at a word before I was forced to tell him to silence. I fear I reverted to Japanese, because he looked at me oddly a second before he finally managed what he'd been meaning to say all day: What the Hell is _with_ her?

I wish I had an appropriate response, but I didn't at the time. He looked inwardly a few moments before, half to himself, asking if he'd somehow done something to offend her over the years, "All I remember saying to her was 'Hey good lookin' once and a few pleasant nothings here or there…"

My gut rightly plummeted there. Is Relena taking what I said to her, in confidence, out on Duo? I never said so much that I felt any way for him, but she seems to have assumed I have. For the record, I broke off our attachment. She was relatively unwilling to accept it. I made the possible mistake of telling her that while I did care for her, I wasn't as comfortable around her as I was with certain other people. She knows I'm not the most social person, so she called me on it. Instead of just saying the other Gundam Pilots, or Wufei, who I was still on duty with, I said Duo. Why Duo? Not even I know that. But it's true. Wufei and I had a friendship that was mostly on the outside. Duo exposes, even just a little, some of what's in his mind to me. I can't say if he does it on purpose or not, but he does it just-the-same. This causes me to feel more comfortable around him. Even during the war, which at that point, had been the last I'd seen him.

This poses the obvious question, Why am I so comfortable around him? And it's follow-up, how is it that his emotions take, however small, a hold over my actions?

I feel as though my life is turning into one of those dramas the ladies in the office talk about amongst themselves…

June 10, AC 201

Relena has made arrangements to stay in town until the end of the week. Feeling the inevitable, I decided to get the likely dinner 'talk-a-thon', as it were, over with early on. Not that I could rightly deny her invitation. Adding insult to injury, I also owe it to her for snapping at her in front the person she seems to think of as her rival.

We were trying to exchange pleasantries, she asked how I was doing, and I said fine yet busy but her reply was that I never used to seem quite as busy as I have as of late. She implored that I may have a coworker situation. Perhaps someone in the office who wasn't doing his right and proper share of the work. As there are only two in our office, it'd be absurd to miss her implication.

How does one tactfully respond to such distaste? So I didn't.

It was enough for her to get to her next course of action, my reconsidering courtship with her. How does one say the same thing without sounding as though they are just being stubborn, especially if they truly believe what they feel is right? It. Just. Won't. Work. Again my misgivings seem to be enough.

Abruptly, she asks me about Duo, "What's he like?"

I falter, but this time she waits it out. I tell her he's fine. She asks what he's like. So I tell her some of my impressions on him, he's odd, but strong. I can't fully understand his layers, for how he acts can only clearly be defined as such, and I tell her this as well. She makes a comment about the fact that I've bothered observing these traits. I have no response to this, so I let it hang.

"You love him don't you?" The same line from when we broke up. For the second time, I affirm that she's reading to far into things. We've finished eating at this point, so she pays and leaves me to think. I can't say I'm too pleased with her, after this ordeal, but in all honesty there's really no one I can talk to about it. Where does one get advice on an obsessive ex-girlfriend? I'd call Trowa, if I had any way of locating him right now, and I would consider Wufei if I hadn't already butchered our friendship, I'm considering Duo, but he doesn't seem to have very good relationship history either…

July 9, AC201

Relena is doing another inspection. It was uncanny enough when she came late, but this just magnifies things. I can say without a doubt that she came here because of Duo. The poor man could not free himself of her all day. I feel a pang, knowing that it used to be me that she would follow around like that, but I know the emotion behind the obsession is the opposite in this case, and it makes the pang into more of a jab.

Duo, as is his nature, takes her in stride, and continues with the days work replying to her rather rude remarks with unnecessary enthusiasm. Each time he does this, I can see her features twitch, but she feigns reciprocation well, and none are the wiser. When I managed to separate her from him a moment I asked her why she was doing this.

"He gives off a bad vibe, Hiiro. I also don't think you see things as they are. He's not to be trusted." I ask her to elaborate, but she declines.

After several hours Duo's excess enthusiasm morphs into teasing. Nothing mean, but still. What I saw of it he was 'hitting on her' quite strongly while making photocopies. If there hadn't been anyone else in the room I'm sure she would have insulted him, but instead she said she preferred more 'grounded' men. If it were me, I'd have been insulted, but Duo laughed, agreeing that he is a bit airy. Then she continued "Besides, I don't see you as the lady-killer type."

The people in the attached break room went silent and I couldn't help but notice that, with her intonation, she was implying that he was gay. I hovered just outside the door, not yet in the room.

"Ah, well, I wouldn't say it like that exactly. I'm just a killer," was his gleeful response.

When she stomped out of the room Duo followed her a bit waving and telling her to have a nice day. Then turned to me and practically yelled "The FUCK is with her, man?"

The rest of the day was fine, but I am left wondering Duo's statement. Is he implying that he is bi? Or did he somehow miss her meaning?

_Paz Note:_

_ lady-killer is like a term to mean '\"one who goes through the ladies fast, but is so attractive to them they just can't help fall for him anyway"_

_GAH GAH GAH!! Sorry for the looong delays!! I put one chapter up, later realizing that it was Easter, and I missed like two or three somewhere in there. So here's a REALLY LONG ONE, to make up for it._


	8. Input 8: Stress

Hiiro's Logs

Input 8: Stress

Jul 15, AC 201

Today was a rather frustrating day. There was a lot to be done as a great many reports decided to come in at once. Now, the Active Officers have been rather busy, which translates to them being unable to file their paperwork properly. In the long run, that means more work for our entire department with double checking and editing nearly all that they've written. Which basically comes back to Duo and I. Not all the questions and complaints are entirely intelligent, either.

Duo doesn't seem to have the tolerance for childish idiocy. He disappeared for half an hour today. When he came back he looked perfectly fine and we got back to work without incident. I noticed later that it looked like his hand was a little red. I can't say he was nursing it, but he was being a little careful with it. I am assuming that he took his anger out on something that might have held ground. I can't be certain though. I may just be projecting my own anger-release methods onto him.

Aug 2, AC 201

Duo seems to deal with stress in very odd ways. During the influx of jobs last month he seemed to have been a right mess. I don't doubt this was due to his genuine lack of sleep. His overall performance had been getting slower as the days went by. I think it was my near-badgering him that finally made him get some sleep. I don't see what merit he could find in not sleeping, as it's the best way to lower one's overall performance in a relatively short span of time.

Now that the main part of the work is past, he seems to have returned to a regular sleep regimen and is performing his duties with more gusto. I was amused at his obvious change and dare say I was unable to contain some part of it from manifesting in my expression. Without a doubt he was able to notice and took the opportunity to ask me to 'chill' (I believe was the word) with him later this evening. I was apprehensive, but he managed to convince me that it is the weekend and neither of us need to work tomorrow.

I can't say he didn't ask me if I had any place in mind, but as one who never goes out, I told him anywhere was sure to be fine. I didn't mention my social shortcomings, assuming that somehow he might know. It was a mistake, but I never told him otherwise, so it is really my own fault for getting into such an awkward place. Plus, it seems to be his tendency to push my limits.

We went to a bar. As previously mentioned, I don't exactly drink. For what its worth, when he saw my confusion at the bar he helped me find a drink that was rather suitable. I only drank one, but we were there for several hours. He was talking to me and watching some form of sporting event on the television, making comments about players or probabilities. I can't say I really understood what he was talking about, but he engaged our neighbor for a while and I was pleased enough not being expected to contribute.

He drank a rather considerable amount, or so it seemed I my eyes. When he finally asked me if I was ready or not to go I was about ready to ask if I should drive him. He was up before I could say anything and was neither talking nor acting out of the character he'd been in all day. He was outside before me and lit up a cigarette. I've never been present to him doing this before, so I felt rather misplaced. He offered me, if I was interested, but I was able to turn him down on this. He shook his head and commented that it was probably a good thing I didn't smoke, "The damn things are a curse."

We stood a while and I observed him carefully before he put out the butt and we walked to the lot. I managed to ask him when he opened his door if he'd be all right driving. He commented that he only had a few drinks, why shouldn't he be? It was my gut telling me not to let him drive, but my head couldn't find any evidence to back it. So we drove ourselves.

I know he used to be one of the best pilots in history, but I can't help the nagging feeling that I should call and make sure he got in safe.

I don't like when he makes me feel thus.


	9. Input 9: Healthy?

AUG 16

_Random disclaimer time:_

_GW and it's peepses aint mine. I just like to abuse them sometimes. With Love, of course. Yes, lots of love._

Hiiro's Logs

Input 9: Healthy?

Aug 16, AC 201,

Inspection Reviews came in today. I hope Relena doesn't intend to adhere to this new and sluggish turnover. It usually takes her only a week to get the entire department's reviews done.

As to be expected, I got top marks. I wish she wouldn't do that. If she were to be honest, I'd likely be on the lower end of the scale. I have pathetically low interpersonal skills and don't usually react to certain stimuli in the most respectable or professional of manners. There are reasons why I was unable to share this office in the past. Normal people and I don't seem to get along well.

Duo, on the other hand, seemed to have received a rather poor review. He was positively seething. I can't say I blame him, as he should really have been the top ranked person. It's hard to tell your office-mate that your ex-girlfriend is jealous of him, though, without implying some rather uncomfortable things. Duo doesn't know I dated her, for one. I didn't really publicize it, and Only Sally, Une and Wufei are likely to know, and only the first two because they are Preventers Heads and I was Active at the time. It's their job to know. Wufei knew because, as my partner, he couldn't be around me off duty without seeing her clinging to me. I didn't even tell Trowa, who I consider the person most like myself from our little group.

Next would be the inevitable question of why – why is she jealous? How to say "She thinks I love you" and "She thinks you're hiding something from me" without doing one of two negative things:

Telling him it's possible that I feel for him in some unexplainable way.

Making him think I'm disgusted by the notion of him feeling likewise of me.

I'm still not sure if he's bi or not, and no one's seems to have asked him, but I still don't know enough about healthy human interaction to know if that is a good thing or not. I have learned to consider him a friend, and I find myself unable to bring this discomfort upon us. I'm not very good at keeping friendships. Or perhaps I'm just good at pushing them away.

Why does he make me think about these things?

Sept 7, AC 201

It has come to my immediate attention that Duo's been receiving an influx of phone calls this week. The first several were to his cell, which was even odder. After the third call, and him yelling at the caller, they seemed to switch over to his desk phone…

I'm bothered by this, but not for the normal reasons. My past coworkers would talk with their wives or husbands about trivial things like dinner or the kids recital last night, and cut into their work time. Duo just seems to be exasperated, and ends the calls quickly. His work is still getting done, but his concern and mild aggravation on these calls make me wonder…

He never says anything substantial though, so I have no clue the nature of the calls.

Sept 12, AC 201

Duo appears to have a lot of engagements after work lately. I've noticed him turning down the others a bit more than usual when they ask him to partake in whatever events it is they do together.

Red flags are going up for me. His behavior at work seems healthy though, other than the calls, so I can't be sure.

Sept 17, AC 201

Duo came in today and all at once I knew something was wrong.

The duality was back.

I confronted him about it.

Naturally it was my immediate assumption that he was again partaking in his previous uncouth sexual activity. I feared for his general well being as much as both our jobs when I approached him at lunch. I only waited that long to observe him long enough to make sure. He didn't receive any phone calls today, I noticed in retrospect.

When I expressed my distresses to him, he gave me the same exasperated tone he uses over the phone. He took his time to explain that he was in a relationship right now, a healthy one, which just happened to 'hit a bump'. He pinched his nose a second then chuckled in a self-depreciating sort of way, before looking to me again and saying that he's been dating this person a few weeks now. "I'm not sexing it up like I was, okay? I understand, but, you know, it's not like that."

I ask about his dual expressions. If it's a healthy relationship, then why is that old behavior back? One of those unreadable emotions crosses his face and he looks away.

"He's just, not the one, I guess… But what can I do about that right now? Maybe it'll work out…"

He. Up until that point he had said "person" or "they". I don't know if he realizes he said it, though I don't know if he cares either. He made an excuse and ended the conversation there. Said he still had a lot to do. Thanked me for 'having the balls' to let him know I was worried. He sounded like he meant it honestly, even if the words used made me have to think about it a second.

Was I wrong to assume he had been dating Hilde, of does this confirm that he's bi?

How does one know if 'he's the one'?

_Paz Note:_

_WTF, my internet totally crapped out yesterday. The Hell. Usually I reread at least the last installment before writing, and was clearly unable to access FFNet. So I tried to figure out what was wrong. Absolutely nothing. All the proper wires and cables were hooked up. I even restarted my computer, but Noo it still didn't wanna work._

_So I left the damn thing to think. When I got on this morning – ta da- suddenly it works again._

_Stoopid POS computer. It's getting up there in years (7 now) but I reaaaally don't wanna buy a new one. I keep saying I'm gunna buy more RAM but haven't really made the effort yet…_

_Hopefully this won't happen again_

_Otherwise, I FINALLY updated the office layout onto my DA, if anyone cares. It's titled Office and again, my user name is Paz-Enai_


	10. Input 10: CoRelation

Hiiro's Logs

Hiiro's Logs

Input 10: Co-relation

Oct 2, AC 201

When Duo came in to work today I couldn't help but notice his, uh… Anger? He didn't have to come in as early as I did today, our schedules are malleable as our contracts indicate that we need to be able to work when the jobs need supervision, and not restricted to the typical 9-5 workday.

I'd left the door open to help circulate air from outside. Duo pretty clearly stomped in and slammed the door. He looked as though he was daring me to question him, but frankly I know better than to question one who holds Death's hand. He was still standing there at the door when the phone rang. He picked it up in a flourish, just to slam it down again. Then disconnected the line.

He was mumbling to himself about 'obsessive crybaby', 'sonnofabitch' and such distasteful retorts.

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that his alleged boyfriend slipped and Duo broke it off with him rather heatedly. I may not be one who partakes in sexual relationships, but I do watch people and the interactions do interest me. I read a lot. I want to be able to feel these things; I just can't seem to stir them in myself. Duo's presence has woken me to quite a bit more than I've really felt before, but I still lack in this otherwise essential human capability.

Somewhere between his careful breathing and about five cups of coffee he managed to put his walls back in place and acted fine the rest of the day.

A master actor at his finest.

Oct 29, AC 201

Duo and several of the other workers decided to form a self-help group to quit smoking today. While this is a good call on all their parts, when I learned the reasoning behind it I nearly smacked the man.

We have a new employee starting. She's not from our department, but she will be passing through each morning to get coffee and take the elevator up to the Overseer Committee. Apparently she can't stand cigarettes and is 'smoking hot'. I rightly rolled my eyes to this.

Duo started laughing with marked hysteria. This made me rather uncomfortable as we were in the hall. I tried slinking away, but he threw an arm over my shoulder and teased how there was no way I 'adopted' that behavior from any but him. I hate to admit it, but he's probably right. I tried to shrug him off, people were looking, but he held me a second more before scratching the bridge of his nose the way he seems to do when he's not sure how to ask something. I believe he must have broken his nose at some point during the war, because this behavior only started up near the end of it.

I didn't run, okay. But I couldn't stand the onlookers. He apologized light-heartedly later. I made sure to glare at him.

Oct 31, AC 201

Halloween? Apparently it's an American holiday. Originated in Ireland and was brought over with the settlers of the First American Colonies and worked it's way out around the Western World.

Duo came in with props. Said the office was too boring and there was a holiday celebrating the dead that we all were ignoring. He put up small decorations of bats, cats and even a Death. There was candy too. I'm not sure how candy had anything to do with the dead, but it did, somehow.

He made a point of trying to explain the cultural significance of something called Candy Corn to me. I don't quite grasp it. He then made me try it. Candy in a corn-like shape. I don't eat much candy, but this stuff was still rather odd. He explained how kids in some countries and colonies go around in costume and get candy from strangers. I made a comment about the safety of this and he just rolled his eyes theatrically and said it'd been done for centuries, my little discomfort was not likely to stop it.

I made a comment that he seemed to think rather fondly of the holiday. He just shrugged. I would have asked him if it was something he'd done in his youth if Tomas hadn't walked up to us and asked Duo why he hadn't thought to do this last year. He admitted that he had, but at that time was afraid of getting fired.

Sally came down a while and admitted that she liked the simple touch. It's hard to organize such things with such a high-profile occupation, but it was just enough to keep everyone working and happy. She told us that if we wanted to do this each year, she would have no problems, so long as it stayed small.

I think the room at large inwardly rejoiced and I found some amusement in this. It's always interesting to see the simple things that can make people happy.

Duo, mostly.

_Paz Note:_

_WAH HAHAHA. Almost at the end of another year! _

_I love it. I don't know if it's coming across, but I'm trying to SLOWLY make Hii-chan open up. It's a slow process after all. He's writing a bit more frequently, and on average his posts are getting longer. My goal is, by the time he catches up to Duo, to have them be the same one-entry/input a day schedule. AAAh I can't wait till they catch up! Hahaah_


	11. Input 11: S,Surprise?

Hiiro's Logs

Hiiro's Logs

Input 11: S-Surprise?

Nov 3, AC 201

Today Wufei called me. I felt odd picking up the phone to hear his voice. I'm lucky there was no work today, or I fear I might have worried Duo. I audibly tripped over what to say to him. Wufei told me that he was to be back in town in two to four weeks, jobs depending.

He told me that I should make plans to get together with him. While I miss how we used to interact, I still don't think I am worthy of Wufei's respect and friendship. I feel as though I let him down in a critical moment and I can't seem to forgive myself that. Much like I couldn't forgive myself of the Noventa incident, taking months off during the war to personally apologize to his family. I still feel a little guilty that Trowa had to follow me around during that whole ordeal.

I just suppose it all translates into me not taking personal failure very well…

Nov 21, AC 201

I, uh…

Today is my legal birthday. It's not the real date, but, for some reason, Duo insists on celebrating it anyway. I don't know why…

I still have his gift from last year. I think he's forgotten about it… The dancing girl, sitting on the windowsill behind my desk. She's in the corner. I feel rather odd keeping her there. I'm starting to think that I don't want him to realize that she's been sitting there this whole time. I can't think of why, though.

I believe I am seriously confused.

I can't say I like this feeling.

Today, yes. Well, it is my birthday, so Duo – well, he wasn't in the office when I got in. I know he came in before me, though. There was a rather considerable wrapped mass sitting on my desk where I usually set my notebook computer, right next to my desktop…

I was curious, startled – possibly a little concerned as well. I stood over it a while, and he came in. He looked nervous, but smiled at me anyway. I heard him ask if I was just going to stare at it, or if I intended to open it. I believe I glanced back and forth a few minutes before finally sitting in my chair. The object was about half the length and width of my notebook, but at least 3 times thicker.

War and Peace Volumes I and II, by Leo Tolstoy. First edition, leather bound, the same cover format they had in the first printing, pressed gilt decoration…

I stared at it a full ten minutes before I could look up. I know how much this cost; I'd been looking at it for weeks. I didn't think I ever said anything about it, though. I have no idea how he knew. I have no idea why he spent so much on getting me a gift for a day that is likely to not be my true birthday. Even then, that's still ridiculous.

I don't recall getting any work done today… I don't even remember what I was supposed to be doing. I almost forgot to grocery shop, if not for the little sticky note reminder I made up. I usually don't forget these things. I was just – I _am_ just that thunderstruck.

I can't honesty believe that he spent – maybe he saw it somewhere cheaper. The place I was looking still has it listed. But still, 2380 for the two of them… They don't print these anymore, all digital now…

Holy, fucking, shit.

Nov 22, AC 201

I went in to work today with a mission. I had to find out what Duo was thinking when he bought those books. I had to know how much he spent. I swear to god I was about ready to beat it out of him.

He knew what I was going at. He stopped me right at the main entrance.

"Wufei and I pitched in together and Quatre said he'd reimburse us soon to cover his and Trowa's portion. Plus I didn't get you anything last year, so don't bother."

And that was it. He wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. The one time when I actually want to talk (yell?) quite extensively with him, he wouldn't let me. I don't know how he knew, and getting the others in on his little scheme…

Gods, he just. How?

_Paz Note (Lots today):_

_Sorry guys. I've been going a little crazy here. There's a major conference coming up this weekend and I have quite a lot of work to do for it (still), plus my regular workload…_

_First Edition Notes:_

_Bibliographers definition__: a book made in the same way, with the same materials using the same characteristics and fonts of the original printing_

_Collectors definition__: First commercial printing of the novel or story, excluding journals or newsletters (or of the sort)_

_Publishers sense__: A first printing by a new publisher or with a new set of illustrations, or a likewise variation to set it apart from the previous printing._

_I used a mix between the Bibliographers and Publishers definitions because, frankly, if he had an ORIGINAL copy of that book it'd be like, 500 years old, or something. That's old. You know how much that'd cost? SHIT-TONS, that's how much._

_Other asides: Duo DID forget about the dancing girl, those of you who read Duo's Journal might know something that happens to it ;D_

_Duo was nervous the week prior to giving the gift to Hiiro. He was afraid Hiiro wouldn't like it. He had convinced the others to help him think of something and Trowa had mentioned the books, Wufei seconding and the two then deciding to help Duo pay. Quatre didn't get back to Duo until that night to let him know he'd be able to split the cost as well. So that's why Duo was so confident on the 22. Whoo _

_I'm starting to contemplate doing Wufei's side now, HAHA! I won't for a long time though, assuming I decide to do it at all (he's the smartest, so he might be toooo hard for me)_


	12. Input 12: Unsurpassable, Unavoidable

_**Hiiro's Logs**_

_**Input 12: Unsurpassable, Unavoidable**_

Dec 1, AC 201

I feel like Duo is trying to offer gifts to me which he knows I cannot possibly best. How in Space am I going to be able to get him something as… breathtaking. I understand he received assistance, yet I feel as though I shouldn't use the same method on him.

Last year I responded to his kindness with something simple and practical. Now I'm at a loss. I know he _can_ read, so that's an option, but what would a man like him read? His spoken language is filled with indigent vernacular. What impression does this make of his literacy level? Or would be getting him a book also be a cop out?

I spent all day at work trying to find something in his behavior to give me a hint. I can't say I was successful. I don't think he was on to my observations of him, but there was also nothing to be gained from the endeavor. Unlike his own methods, I would feel it improper to as him outright.

What's even more perplexing is that I'm keeping record of this ordeal. Even one year ago such a dilemma as this would never have made it into these files. How much one year can change a person! Watch, by next year I'll start making jokes. This is ridiculous.

Dec 5, AC 201

Well Wufei is here. I can't say I really appreciate him popping in like this. Again. I believe he's doing it with his own agenda in mind, granted he did give me fair warning this time. Yet I also can't stand that I refuse to 'gush' to him. (I heard this word earlier today, and am pretty sure I've used it in the right context).

He and Duo decided that there was to be a "Birthday Dinner" for which I had no choice but to attend.

We carpooled, something about the company making the ride more interesting. Honestly, I think it's because Duo and Wufei were unsure how much alcohol they intended to consume and figured I'd not mind 'being the responsible one,' or some such. As we were walking in Wufei managed to convince Duo to have a cigarette with him (though Duo was avidly trying to quit). It was then that Duo asked Wufei when his birthday was. I answered for him, as Wufei's reluctance was starting to peeve Duo. "The same as Quatres, December 12."

"Jesus Crimeney, we're all year-end babies ain't we?"

Now, while this appears true, Duo's, Trowa's and my birthdays are perfectly superficial, making this is less than accurate – at least, as far as anyone can tell. However he shifts the topic slightly and starts badgering Wufei about what he wants for his birthday. I'm starting to believe that giving gifts is some form of fetish for my braided comrade (as he does still wear his hair in that manner almost every day.) For some reason this badgering made Wufei uncomfortable, and he started to blush.

Twenty minutes later, at a booth, and with an impatient waiter, Duo finally tired of the lack of response and commented huffily that he'd just get Wufei a 'dancing flower'. Wufei jumped at this and vehemently gave up the ghost, promising to give Duo an idea later in the week.

The food was good. I managed to not damper the others' spirits, and the bill was rather small. We split it. I tried to pay for it myself, using the excuse of it being a birthday gift for them, but they refused. Wufei saying he didn't need anything, Duo just plain refusing. Then Duo realized the time and mentioned he had to be off.

This left me with Wufei, Duo somehow having acquired a ride without making any phone calls to the best of my knowledge. I'm almost led to believe he set us up. With Wufei's sincere lack of preventing the others dismissal, I might have been set up.

"I still don't understand why you're refusing your calling." I wish he hadn't started. I sighed, but this left him the opportunity to talk, which he utilized thus:

"You're pushing me and this job away because you feel guilty for something that was likely to have been absolutely inevitable. One of us would have ended up shooting that girl, she was interfering. You were the one who made it possible for her to live though it. I would've smacked her with the but of my gun, if I wouldn't have regretted the suspension." He continued, telling me not to blame myself, she tried protecting a dangerous convict… It was inevitable, it was un-preventable - I get it already.

I cut him off at some point. I don't typically do this to people, but truthfully, I couldn't bear to hear it anymore. I think he's still trying to save face on my behalf. We're not partners anymore, and he really doesn't need to do it. I told him it's over, that I'm settling into my job and so forth.

Something in the way I was talking eased him though. I can't say for sure what it was, but he mentioned that I've changed a lot since he saw me last. I apologized, but he told me that it was a good thing. He mumbled something along the lines of Duo having a positive impact on me, but then told me that I needed to stop whatever it was inside of me that was cutting him off.

"I'm still your friend, if you want me to be."

I haven't slept tonight. Too distracted with thinking. Thank the colonies I don't need to be at work tomorrow…

Dec 9, AC 201

Duo's Birthday. A momentous occasion, I suppose. In the end I couldn't come up with any good ideas for him… so I tried finding some truely terrible ones, hoping for humor instead.

He was in before me today, which was perfect. I walked in and closed the door quiet, but firmly. He looked at me in that way that reads along the lines of "Oh God, what now." If we were animated I can bet he would have dark tones under his eyes and sweat beads to complete the look. I say this animation thing because I really did try to find something stupid and hoped that maybe children's cartoons would enlighten me. Which actually proved helpful, but also proved to drop my IQ about 50 points. And no, that's not a joke, I tested it. It really did drop, but no fear, it returned to normal after due avoidance of further submersion.

I handed him the box. He unwrapped it frightfully, looking more at me than it. And then burst out laughing so hard I admit I saw a tear. Result - positive.

In the end the internet solves all, but the cartoon insanity helped me see that he might appreciate something like this. What is it? One of those USB foam missile launchers. It said something about being able to mount it and wireless control of the firing and targeting mechanics. My only warning to him was that if he shot me with the damnable thing I might have to disassemble him. He agreed, and then immediately asked if he'd get fired if he shot Relena next inspection.

I said yes, just in case he was serious.

_Paz Note:_

_Hi, I'm not dead. I just suck. I did upload a lot of art last week though, onto my DA… (I was really behind in that too). _

_It's a pretty long one, to make up for the lack. I have no internet right now, so I'm on borrowed time, but maybe I'll update again next week. I'm also writing this novel I wanna get published, so wish me luck. I'll let you know if/ when I finish it (maybe I'll post samples)_

_Uhm, I'm falling in love with my version of Hiiro, is that healthy?_


	13. Input 13: A Different Approach

**_Hiiro's Logs_**

**_Input 13: A Different Approach_**

Dec 24/25, AC 201

Christmas Eve again. We know what this means for me. Normally I think that, when compared to the joy of others around me, I am more gloomy and depressed at this season. After working with Duo for a full year and a half, I believe I now know enough about him to say that I see in him the same reaction. To be rather forthright, I'd say this makes me a modest bit more upset knowing that an otherwise incredibly optimistic (or incredibly good actor) can still feel down. I know it's odd for me to feel this way for another, and even after all this time I'm still not sure why it happens. He just has some way of controlling the emotions of those around him. The more frightening part is that I wasn't the only to notice. Other workers were trying to cheer him up, ask him to join them and other such 'pick-me-ups'. They seemed disheartened every time he turned them down, but he always did it carefully and without being rude.

As I am never really in a conversation with our coworkers or staffers - I feel uncomfortable talking to them and I can't say I'm particularly good at small talk - I was never fully within earshot of these conversations until evening. It was a simple invite of the last minute variety, Duo thanked and declined. As I was in the hall at that time searching for a file at one of the stations, I chanced to see him glance my way. I found this odd, but keeping in mind that he might not have expected me to notice, I continued to dig for my file, then returned to the office.

Then, when he returned, it was as though all that had been invited upon him, was cast towards at me. He asked me if I had plans; mentioned that I seemed rather down, "maybe we could do something today?" He then apologized for not offering the same last year. He was still trying to settle in, get things in order… "and I wasn't sure if you'd even consider it… to be absolutely honest. You're kinda … shy..?"

I was so startled by his honesty, and his blunt force of words, that I believed I gaped at him. He made an apologetic wave of his hands and smile, and then told me I didn't have to, if it made me uncomfortable. Then he sighed and looked out the window and said something like the following:

"I just think it'd be good for us to forget the past, every once and a while, y 'know? I mean, I know it had to happen for everything to be doing as good it is, but… We can't let it take our humanity with it… right? I mean… it was going to happen anyway, wasn't it? And-and we stopped them from dropping colonies, so… that's good, too… We're alive, somehow, but everyone else seems to know what that means better than we do…

"I rambled… Sorry. "

With this, for the first time, Duo had spoken to me without any masks, or concealed meanings, or jokes to lighten the mood. This was him as he truly thought. This Duo seemed to be as full as doubt as I am. All the typical words for it are clichéd, but I can't think of any other: moving, touching, heartwarming - uncanny. We are so unlike, and yet…

That was about the time I realized the outside offices were dark and everyone had gone home. Duo had never closed the door, so I can only assume that he let them go early, or that I had gaped for a full half an hour, but I tend to doubt he'd let a silence go that long.

Next thing I realized was that we were at his apartment… meaning my car was still at the office… He invited me in and then finally seemed to realize he had not planned this far ahead. There were no decorations, no tree. There was a small package from Hilde, which I asked him about it. Apparently he was convinced it was going to explode with either whipped or shaving cream, so he didn't want to open it. When I asked why he thought such he admitted he'd done some such to her last year, apparently ruined an important data chip. I suppose the only logical course of action after that was to go to the bathroom tub and find out… Odd I know, but that's what we did. It did explode, but not in whipped or shaving cream. If I had to guess I'd say spaghetti sauce, but we didn't try to find out as the stench of decay it carried showed that it was probably in her fridge for some time before she found a use for it. I managed to escape the blast, but Duo's work clothes were ruined.

After a change we were lost for ideas again. We ended up just walking around the city and looking at peoples decorations. Our short walk ended up being closer to three hours at which point I was almost convinced that my work shoes had decapitated my feet.

Upon our return Duo suggested we relax in front of the Yule Log. He then turned on the Tvid… and a log was burning with gentle music playing in the background. I heard "What the Hell" escape my lips and then Duo was practically on the floor laughing. We watched some pretty unsatisfactory Christmas movies to which I fell asleep on his couch.

When I woke it was noted that I had acquired a blanket. Duo was, I assumed, in bed. I was pretty sure it'd be considered rude to leave, so I didn't really know what to do. Normally I'd go in today and get a head start on the Annual Report, but…

What is the protocol for eating when you fall asleep at another persons dwelling? Do you wait for him, or do you eat? Or does an inquiry like this depend solely on how close a relationship between the two in question? I struggled with this very question for a few hours until he actually did awake, at a quarter to eleven. I don't know how much later he'd stayed up after me to make him wake so late, but I could never manage it. In any case, the answer was that I could have eaten while he slept and nothing would have happened, save perhaps a bit of guilt on his part for not telling me last night. To keep his concern to a minimum I lied and told him I hadn't been awake long.

The next two hours were rather awkward, filled with only about a half an hour to eat cereal and talk about what we had planned for the day. He mentioned that he was probably just going to make calls and 'harass' all his old colleagues. I mentioned that I would probably get things ready for the Annual. In all fairness, he did offer to help, however, I told him it was unnecessary. I should have been honest to myself at that point and instead admitted that I would have liked the assistance. It was almost unbearable to be there without him working with me. I know that sounds odd seeing as we don't necessarily always work together. Maybe it was just that all of the offices were empty, and some company would have been nice. I got done what was needed though and headed home by four.

After some time thus, I decided to make some phone calls myself, I called Trowa, Quatre, left a message with Pargan for Relena, and even tried to call Wufei, though in this respect I thankfully got a voicemail, it would have been awkward otherwise.

And to think of how likely any of these activities would have been if not for some outside influence – it's preposterous. The more frightening part is that if it was any other person (of those whom are within the immediate vicinity) I would likely ignore or brush off these interactions. Take for example my past co-workers.

Also, I think I am starting to write a lot more in depth than I did in earlier logs…

_Paz Note: How bout that. I didn't wait a month and a half this time! woo! It feels weird writing on someone elses computer though... I hope you appreciate it !! ;;_

_Uhm, there really are no notes this time. Duo was very uncomfortable, though, through this deal. Imagine him inwardly squirming. _

_For those who haven't read my Duo's Journals, Duo has had been jumping back and forth between crush and love for Hiiro since he got to know him better at the end of the war and after. But Duo's Journals don't really "start" until April AC 204, so don't get confused if you decide to start reading them._


	14. Input 14: Pacing

Hiiro's Log

**Hiiro's Log**

**Input 14: Pacing**

Jan 12, AC 202

Annual Report time again. Now that Duo seems to understand the procedure better he is not only accomplishing tasks without needing directions, but he is also improving upon the system I taught him last year. I have been told on a few occasions, though Dr. J would never admit such a thing to me, that 'two heads are better than one'. I can now see what this phrase actually is meant to imply. One person sees a way to do a task, the other can extrapolate from this a method that the other, being used to their own procedures, would not otherwise have thought to attempt.

I can pretty much assume that this is something every other human has been taught and practicing since time immemorial. It's interesting the things my training failed to teach me about life. Though, to be honest with myself, I wasn't necessarily supposed to _live_ long enough to see the end of the war, funny that. It would have been more than helpful if they had included post-war-survival into the training regimen.

Jan 27, AC 202

Apparently our increased efficiency preparing the Annual Report has put the pressure on the other departments involved (basically all those dealing with paperwork). I have been hearing murmurs such as "the Rating and Processing Department is getting faster each year. That has to be the hardest job; they're starting to make the rest of us look bad!"

I never thought this job was particularly hard, but I suppose most of these people have worked other office type jobs before and comparatively it may be harder… I came from Active Duty. As I understand it strenuous physical activity where death is a possibility is substantially harder, in many instances, than filling out forms can ever be. I know I shouldn't judge them, but let's be honest with ourselves here, the atmosphere for such a high priority job as this could easily be much more strenuous.

In any case, it was decided to move up the meeting date to accommodate this new pace. This didn't make the other departments any happier, but what can I say on their behalf? My only defense is that, for once, I have someone else that I can truthfully put the blame on. I had no hand in this matter.

The good thing is that, while I hear them complain from time to time, everyone seems to know of Duo's charisma and good-natured being (they have no reason to know of his involvement in the war, and therefore could never see him as the veritable savage he once was) and so they can't stay angry at him in good conscience. Not that all people that work here_ have_ good conscience, but for the most part I never have to deal with those.

Speaking of ill-natured people, I know that Duo once called himself Shinigami-sama, but after observing him today I have decided that he's actually more of a Kitsune or a Tanuki. If Kitsune, then one who is certainly a messenger for Death, but if Tanuki, then possibly just joking about the affiliation. I say this because when he dealt with aforementioned people he seemed to use some trickery of his own. Actually, it was only a step or two removed from what he did last inspection with Relena…

… This is quite possibly the most useless assemblage of words that has ever come from this habit of mine…

Feb 1, AC 202

The meeting date.

Let's just suffice to say that Duo intends to make this 'nap' of his a permanent result of Annual Meetings…

He did a lot better this time too. I suppose he was just bottling up his thoughts though…

_Paz Note:_

_Uhm, it's short because I ran out of steam. Also, I'm sick… not that it's your fault, haha… unless it is 0.o;_

_I noticed, upon rereading the entries, that I use the word 'thus' a lot. I also seem to use 'also' a lot… and 'invariable' and some other weird words. I've decided that this may be a crutch, so I'm trying to stop it. I blame the Victorian Classics that I've been reading…_


	15. Input 15: Interesting Events

Hiiro's Logs

**Hiiro's Logs**

**Input 15: Interesting events**

Feb 13, AC 202

Trowa called today after work. I was rather surprised by this, but realized it had been a few months since we last talked. While we always exchange pleasantries, usually we only call each other if we have something of importance to say to each other. Trowa, also happens to be one who lacks tact. When I answered the Vid he was out of breath. My instinct when someone calls me out of breath is that something major has occurred and that an action needs to take place – now. The ass didn't tell me he'd just been practicing his routine. A waste of my time.

Anyway, once he calmed me down and after I finished tearing him a new one he managed to get to the point of his call. Apparently the circus is coming to town – or at least, almost. It's actually going to come within thirty miles of town, yet definitely close enough to think about a visit. Since the war I've only managed to actually see Trowa in person about twice, so this is definitely something I don't intend to pass up.

I figured I should extend the invitation to Duo, since as far as I know he's seen Trowa less than that. Duo was as expected and rather, shall we say, _loud_ when I told him. I nearly left the room until he finished his excited proclamations, but he finished before the thought manifested into reality. The event won't be here until May, but it's always a good to plan ahead when possible. As an added bonus we'd be getting in for free since Trowa, Catherine and the Ringmaster all know us to varying degrees. I think Trowa said that the event would be in town for about a week, but that if we came on the last day he'd be able to go out with us after. Duo and I agreed that we'd get off from work so we could head out early and bother the man as he got ready for work.

I worry about being stuck in a car with only Duo for the duration of the car ride, as the longest I've been in a car with him of late has been for a grand average of five minutes, but we'll save that for when it's more eminent.

Feb 25, AC 202

Tactics Meetings are what we call an event occurring in our sister organization, Preventers Active, that has escalated into a place where standard procedures are failing to neutralize. Being an Ex- Gundam Pilot, my opinions and suggestions are considered to be more than just important; somehow the title makes me something of a tactical Guru. My assumption is that Lady Une has either convinced herself, or convinced the others in the Active Ranks that, as a Gundam Pilot I was the "perfect soldier". Honestly a perfect soldier would really just follow orders well, but I guess the mysticism and fear associated with 'piloting a Gundam' still carries weight and so they expect me to be better at finding solutions. While I'm no genius, I tend to only state facts that I find to be obvious. In part, I feel that they only ask me so that they have some validation from, or to wash their hands of, the events to unfold.

Last I recall, the Gundam Pilots sucked at their 'job'. I can't remember who said it (for all I know it was me) but I remember one of us once saying that "we're getting pretty good at these loosing battles" and that is entirely what I feel we did, we lost – a lot. We got ourselves in to deep shit more times than I can count, hell I was proclaimed dead for a month or two, right? So why they think we were so amazing I'll never know, we all attempted suicide at least once during the war, it was one of the last, and most striking, things I remember us talking about before we split to go our own ways. Yet they still think I'm this amazing tactician (Quatre's probably much more suited for this, running such a large company like that requires more tactic than I'll ever comprehend).

So then, why do they have such a completely different regard for Duo? He was a Gundam Pilot during the war as well. He knows a completely different set of tactics - dirtier, granted - and since he feels no obligation to the book (though by the time any event makes it to a Tactics Meeting we're considering throwing the book to the wind anyway). His methods are much faster, possibly more efficient in some instances as well, though sometimes they can have rather backhanded methods. Obviously the Chief and Duo are either too similar or too dissimilar because Chief's hatred is rather blatant, if you ask me. I always thought Duo and I were different, but I suppose we're similar enough where it matters that I have not only learnt to tolerate him, but to actually grow fond of his company. The other part that surprises me is that Duo's entire persona changes when it comes to the Chief. He is quieter, clipped, and that usual charm about him completely dissolves. Even I feel more caution of him when he is like this. To give credit where it's due, though, he never enters a meeting with the Chief like this, it just doesn't take long until the transformation. The more annoying part is that the Chief won't accept any of these options unless I, and then Sally agree with it. Which basically means Duo and I have to sit there a while discussing it over the Chief's head until I am on the same page as Duo thereby wasting valuable time. If the Chief would just listen to him it would be a great deal easier for all parties involved.

I hope this improves over time… Any improvement would be appreciated at this point.

_Paz Note:_

_The suicide thing I didn't make up. Hiiro self destructed and the rest kind of got this admiration for him.. Trowa did the circus thing at an Oz base when Cathy slapped him. Quatre when he diverted the attacking force from Duo and Wufei as they boarded shuttles to finally return to space (Sandrock let him out). Duo when they got up into space and his destroyed suit was getting womped by Oz space suits, but the self destruct didn't work. And I'm counting when Wufei sliced open half his Gundam to use it as propulsion power, though it may not be far to say that the first time he lost confidence in himself he may have been considering it – since he was 'too weak to fight' he may have also thought he was 'to weak' to live, you never know, he's very introverted…_


	16. Input 16: Food for Thought

Hiiro's Log

Hiiro's Log

Input 16: Food for Thought

Mar 2, AC 202

As is expected for every being that must exist on this world and its subsidiary colonies, food is to be obtained. Normally, this is not a deed to write home about, yet I find the desire to do so today, this is partially because I saw Duo today whilst in the act. I can't precisely say the probability of this encounter, but I can say that it is apparently higher than I thought.

It is quite obvious that I am Asian. I don't think there is a human alive who could miss that, but it is also true that I was raised, in part, by a Slavic man. This makes my dining a rather intricate matter. I tend to stick with Japanese cuisine more often than not, I find it easier to get the ingredients needed, but do occasionally perform the additional hunting required to get something of a more Russian flair. By way of explanation, this means I shop at many different locations for a week or two of groceries – though not to fear, I also take this opportunity to calculate the most efficient way to walk to each location, thereby only having to park my car once in the city.

Back on topic, I wouldn't be lying to say that I would never consider Duo to eat either of these foods. I was in the Asian Market, the one under the ownership of the Won's, and thinking about the probability of any of the non-Asian's actually knowing what they were buying when I saw the peculiar swing of a braid. The name was out of my mouth before I realized I'd thought it, and Duo turned to face me. I can't say for certain, but I am almost positive that Duo can't speak Japanese, more certain that he can't read it. I've used snippets of the language on occasion at work and it usually brings forth a look of confusion or curiosity to his face.

The next sentence was out, again before I could check it for its properties. His answer was that he had heard from friends that there were certain items for sale at good prices within the store and he figured he'd chance a look; of course these weren't his words, but I find them rather confusing and I'm pretty certain that the above was what he meant to say.

Then he realized, possibly for the first time, that I was Asian, and asked if I could read labels for him. I can't say I was thrilled, but he told me it would be just the once as there seemed to be "too many weird things", this was said while he gandered (perhaps glanced) at the live eels and frogs for sale. Many of the things he pointed to were in Korean and Chinese though. While I can make a guess or two with the Chinese items, his guess is as good as mine on the Korean.

In the end he only bought snacks or things that didn't require steps – he was afraid he'd mess up since he couldn't read the labels. Nothing he looked at was that complicated, but I suppose it's for the better. He may not have liked them anyway, he seems rather partial to his Western meal system and meaty American dinners... if his proclaimed love for steak is any indication.

Overall it was an interesting experience; I now have some insight into the American mind where food is concerned… Mainly that meat is the main part of the dish, though this may me more prominent in him that some others… Potentially.

Mar 7, AC. 202

I realized today, after taking a much needed review of my writings to date that several things have happened over time - to me. I have, most obviously, begun to write more per entry. I write a bit more frequently, as well. Then the more shocking things, I use more slang, or at least, I think its slang. American phrases that are used to replace phrases of a different meaning; I can't think of a word for these. An example would be like two entries ago when I wrote "tear him a new one" (or even last entry "write home about"). What does that mean? I know that, when I used it, it was used to mean that I was very angry and expressed this to Trowa in a just manner. I asked Duo about it today and he extrapolated that it meant you'd "tear them a new hole in their ass". I was positively confused by this and he amended that it's just something to say when you're "pissed at someone". I then realized that I've been gathering all these odd phrases from him. Even some words I've used seem rather out of character, at least to me. Though I guess when you get right down to it (ah, another one! Get down to what?) if it took me this long to notice, then certainly it isn't _out_ of character at all. It's rather shocking to realize that you've changed so drastically in such a short span of time.

I'm not mad about it either. I think I might have the right to be, but given that I no longer need the war training, I feel it may be about time to relinquish, at least in part, some of that mentality. That isn't to say that I will immediately stop all my trained behaviors. I simply mean to say that, no vow that – let's make it official- if any of these changes occur in my behavior or reactions, I am not to fight them. Let come what may. I think it's time to accept that which I may become.

I also vow to ask someone what a phrase means before I use it. Though I'll end up asking Duo, who will undoubtedly answer with another phrase I don't understand…

I have a lot to catch up on, too.


	17. Input 17: Situation Stacking

Hiiro's Logs

**Hiiro's Logs**

**Input 17: Situation Stacking**

Mar 17, AC 202

I should be glad that it is has been a while since he's invited me to such, but still the invitation is unwanted. Again, however, my desire to please seems to get in the way and I forget to tell him that I would rather do something else. Then, of course, would be the question "What else" and I really don't know how to answer this part. This may be due to the fact that I don't know what else two people can do to spend some time together without crossing into any social taboos. I never went to bars with Relena, but also, we could have anything we wanted at any time within her own palace. To extrapolate, I'm not sure how many bars are high-class enough for one Foreign Minister to consider occupying. To add to this is the obvious facts that: Relena is not male (as Duo is), he and I are not dating, and that we don't really 'matter' in the public eye so where we go in public isn't as much of a problem.

I know that many of the things I did with Relena are meant to be reserved for 'couples.' Unfortunately I hadn't exactly had the time for a casual relationship with anyone in which to compare these events. It adds insult to injury to say that she would usually suggest what we did when we had the free time to seek entertainment or relaxation. This leaves my ability to find a suitable replacement activity lacking, at best.

One could argue that I used to 'hang out' with Wufei, but even then we would mostly just sit at parks, talk or eat at small restaurants while waiting for our targets or during down time. I can't say for sure what made us think of these things. I guess it was just easier with him…

As usual, I am uncertain how to approach Duo about these things. I'm not really interested in movies, not that I'd know which he'd consider watching or which would be considered a 'date,' because I'm fairly sure that some people take others on dates to these. I don't really play any sports- true that we used to play basketball in our various high schools, but neither of us seems to have shown interest in the actual sport. I was usually just dragged into it by him, and he seemed to be after the adoration of young girls. That or annoying me. Eating out needs some form of occasion (such as a birthday, etc)…

Again, this just leaves me high and dry… High and dry… Unsure of exactly what to do when he asks me to come 'hang' with him at such establishments. And then I realize he's taken my silence as an affirmative and that we've already walked to his car. I say his car because at these times I am trying so hard to come up with something to say that I end up following him. This is probably for the better anyway because, in the instance that he gets excessive, I can drive him home. This hasn't happened yet, but something in my nerves tells me that it will.

Otherwise, there is really nothing special for me to say about the night. He drank more than I (seeing as I had only one drink) yet, like last time, he showed no signs of being affected. I'm still unsure if this is due to his better tolerance, or if he's just good at concealing its affect.

Mar 21, AC 202

I'm not entirely sure – I need to stop writing that. I'm never 'entirely sure' how anything really happens. I think it's because of the enigma. The Dunigma.

Duo seems to have 'suddenly' become something of a flirt around work. I'm not saying this to mean he 'hits' on everything in sight, but that he's letting a little more of his playful side enter the office. I like this; it means that he's getting more comfortable. I also like this because it makes my shortcomings seem more logical. If he's let some of himself stay hidden for this long, then certainly someone as inept in society as myself has an excuse.

Not to mention that his blarney is rather amusing. And by this I mean that he's damn amusing. I suppose that I noticed that he started doing it a few weeks ago, but wasn't sure if it was just because he was actually trying to solicit a response from someone. When I noticed him doing it more liberally I was reminded of all those schools we attended during the war – and his immediate popularity in each. I don't know if this means that high school mentality never dies, or that Duo's mentality is known for perseverance. In any case, no one here seems to take offense to it. The men all tease or push back and the women all blush or tease in like. Even Sally – who was the first he publically teased – found his actions to be more than humorous. Her only response was to pinch him (rather hard, actually) in the cheek and reply to the effect of "kid, you're not prepared for that sort of love with me".

Ah, and of course, I am now possibly more scared of Sally than I ever thought possible. What type of love can she be talking about? And – What?

Mar 30, AC 202

Unexpected things keep cropping up for me. I can't decide if this is a cause or effect of the changes I have personally faced recently…

I received a letter from Sylvia Noventa today. Sylvia Noventa, the now woman who, when she was still a child I killed her pacifist father. It took me about an hour to open the letter. I didn't see how it would be possible for her to send me such a thing. I actually thought it was a fraud, so I treated it as a letter bomb (well, I treated it as _I_ would treat a letter bomb, not a civilian. Why waste the bomb squad's valuable time when I can do it myself).

It wasn't a bomb. It was an invitation to a ball, of all things. The last time I was at a ball was… about three years ago with Relena. High class never struck me as comfortable, but I did it because I felt that, as her beau, I was obligated to make an appearance.

I am somewhat suspicious of why Sylvia would invite me to a ball, but I don't recall her or Relena ever being on the closest of terms. This makes me feel almost certain that Relena didn't ask her to invite me for another attempt at whatever it is that Relena wants from me.

I know that I probably sound paranoid when it comes to the woman, I don't mean to be rude and I can't say I have any vendetta against her, but I really don't see why she needs to continually try to spend time with me. I made it at least fairly clear that our relationship was stagnant. I didn't feel for her as she did of me, but she seems to believe that I can make the sacrifice for her and just hope that time will mend the fact that I'm just not attracted to her.

I know that this is really all my fault. During the war I had a constant protect/destroy her thing going on. Certainly, by the end I was full out protecting her and my death threat had become our personal joke. I had done this because I felt she was important for the future of the survivors, not because I wanted to keep her for myself. I understand that there are romantics who see the word 'protect' as a substitute for 'love', but lets be honest – I'm Hiiro Yui. I am not a romantic. I don't feel attraction, I feel curiosity. I'm not flattered by the approach, I'm suspicious. I don't even have many people I consider friends. How can I find someone I trust with truly personal matters when I can't find people I trust enough for platonic relationships?

When faced with someone who desires my company I end up interrogating them, do they really know what they're trying to get involved with? I can't help it. I find much of this behavior suspicious. The obvious being the need to trust someone that deeply. That's clichéd and it's in all those movies and books and every other form of media, but it's true. I was raised by an assassin who was sometimes so unsure of his cover that he would hide out in the woods. Then I was under the care of an organization attempting to overthrow the government. I think I have the right to be a little untrusting or paranoid.

Unfortunately none of this lets me know how to proceed with the Noventa invitation. I need to ask someone about this, but I don't want to bother anyone with my ever apparent shortcomings. I also don't know who I'd ask. I can't ask just anyone, because then I'd have to explain the rather awkward fact of my killing her dad. That leaves the other Ex-Pilots, and those whom the war brought us close to. As many of the latter are my bosses, I'm not sure if its entirely proper to bother them with a question like that.

I guess the easiest solution would be to turn down the invitation, but I'm not sure the social implications this may cause. It's been several years since I've really talked with Sylvia, and so I'm not sure how she'd react…

April 1, AC 202

You know that birthday gift I gave Duo? It was amusing at the time and I must admit that he has been rather mature as far as using it went, testing it every once and a while when the office door was closed and trying to nock over empty drink cups or nock over his writing utensils.

Well apparently that was just his way of testing its accuracy and I now rename the damnable thing the Worst Idea Ever. I don't know when or where or what _idiot_ came up with this holiday but good gods he better be dead. Duo kept the Worst Idea Ever quiet until 'April Fools Day' and has now hit nearly half the department with it. I don't know how he got that many people into our office in the first place, as we usually only get one or two people to come in on average. My guess is that he called someone in for something and then pegged them with it. They thought it was so funny that they told the others that Duo had something in his office that they had to see and so one by one they all came in. At some point people had to know what they were getting into because they would come in looking around the office for where the projectiles were coming from. They'd still get shot.

I'm not sure how to write that noise you make when you're both disgusted and exasperated, so I'll make up a spelling, how about "uugh". I don't know how he didn't get in trouble, I really don't.

April 9, AC 202

Today was a great day for answers. Not many, granted, but the one that has been taking up the most of my mental space. The Noventa invitation.

Pretty early in the day today Sally intruded into our office. I say intruded because we were both busy, and as such, had closed the door. As soon as she reclosed the door she managed a brief look at both of us – enough time to make sure that we were paying her our full attention (as if the barging in wouldn't have immediately done that).

"I assume that by now both of you got your invitations?" Duo and I both exchanged confused glances when she said this, so she amended "from Noventa?" In my mind things had gone from odd to confusing. I'm pretty sure that outwardly all I did was raise my brows but Duo made some noise or other before looking back to me and fumbling out something along the lines of "You got one too? I thought it was weird for me to get anything from her."

Sally didn't let him ramble and instead performed what sounded like a rehearsed monologue. I'll try my best to recapture it, but I wasn't transcribing it at the time so I'm sure it's a little off.

"You boys have both received a ball invitation from the Noventa family, courtesy of Sylvia. If you are wondering why, it is because she personally asked that the Gundam Pilots be invited to the event her family is holding for war veterans. It is an event to remember the people who lived, died and suffered from the war as well as the events leading up to it. While I can imagine that this information doesn't exactly make you guys comfortable, you are not required to tell anyone what you did. I would be lying if I said you will be the only ones trying to conceal your role. If anyone asks you outright what your affiliation was during the war you should not tell them. We don't want any more problems cropping up from people knowing your identities. If you must, answer along the lines of 'Well there were so many factions in the war sometimes I forget. In the long run, I guess it doesn't matter what our labels were in the past. The war is over. Just look at how far we've all come since then.' I also want to point out that I'm talking as though you will both be going. You will both accept the invitation; this is your now a part of your job.

"Understand that it was Sylvia who asked for the ability to invite you, but that she had asked Preventer to deliver the messages to you. She didn't want to intrude into your lives so much, I think she understands the discomfort of other people knowing personal details, she suffers from it as much as any other. The others have been given the invites as well. I already know that Quatre has agreed and that he's managed to convince Trowa to accompany him. Wufei is getting the same speech in Tibet as we speak. If it offers any comfort, Milliardo and Lady Une, with Mariemaia, will also be in attendance. Peacecraft and Une are the official Preventers in attendance, so you won't be required to do anything official. You can say you work here, so long as you don't release anything – but you're both smarter than that so I'll save the speech.

"We will pay for your stay and travel, consider it a business expense. Oh, but I hope you won't mind sharing a room, we are on a budget here. That is all, Understood?"

The only thing to say to that is "Affirmative". Interestingly enough we both said this at the same time. And that's that. The event is next month. We leave by plane at 6 am on the third. The good news is that we won't miss Trowa's performance because of it and can probably get him to catch a plane back with us.

_Paz Note: S-so a bit of a long one, eye?_

_First, about the last update, the Slavic/Russian man referred to is from Episode Zero of the Gundam Wing comics. It tells of Odin Lowe who is the assassin of the real Hiiro Yui but for some reason decides to raise this kid. They never explicitly (to my knowledge) say he's Russian, but they do mention that his name (Odin) is Russian for "one" (much to the Gundam Wing Number-Naming convention)._

"Dunigma." _Pronounced DO-Nihg-mah - - I'd use the dictionary symbols, but I'm not sure how to get them to work on this computer…_

"I don't know if this means that high school mentality never dies" _that is to say High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup. There is a really, really good Ouran HSHC AMV to this, I can't link to it, but here's the URL: youtube (dot) com (slash) watch?v (equalsign) VyVONYS2wRk&fmt6 ... or look up "Ouran High School Never Ends (Anime North 2008 Best in Show)" __It's been at a couple of AMV contests and done its fair share of winning._

"I don't want any more problems cropping up from people knowing your identities"_ by this I mean Blind Target and Battlefield of Pacifists. _

_The Noventa's! I'd almost forgotten about that! It's basically what caused the war to go on as long as it did! I blame Triez and his crazy schemes. Bastard was smart._

_I'm sorry if my writing is something inconsistent… It rather reflects that of which I read. If my application of language is not a suitable explanation of this, one may muster a guess as to that I've been entertaining myself with a bit of Victorian fiction. Indeed, I much like the writing of this time and feel more drawn to it now that I have three stories (this and two originals) which I am attempting to write and which have adopted somewhat of a similar style. I do hope that this doesn't confuse any, and that all may now understand my rather piquant use of some rather expired words (read Blarney and Gander) _


	18. Input 18: Nerves

Hiiro's Logs

**Hiiro's Logs**

**Input 18: Nerves**

April 13, AC 202

Logistics… I believe that these are the types of things from whence headaches were born. Today was filled with planning the condemnable Noventa Ball. What we are permitted to say and do, what we are not, what is proper… Most of this is familiar to me. Most of it annoyed Duo. In other words the meeting dragged on and neither of us made it any easier for the other.

Truth be told, I was rather surprised by how little he knew of events like this. Looking back I don't know why. As I have mentioned before, I don't know much of Duo's past, but I believe I know enough to surmise that it was lacking much the same as mine was. His attitude today helped allude to this; a time in which my attempted observations seem to bear fruit. I'm just baffled to realize how different we still are. I realize most of this difference happened well before we ever met ('well before', I write like an old man!) yet still, with how well we work together, I somehow convinced myself that we were like in kind. This leads me to think that maybe we work well together because we compliment each other in strategy, but this is inaccurate. We both know what needs to be done, and somehow it happens. I know on my part this means that I alter my own behavior to fit the task, and now wonder if he does such as well.

Some things I may just never figure out.

April 27, AC 202

Good lords, can Quatre talk. We don't usually talk with each other (he usually doesn't have the time, so we attempt e-mail or similar) but with the impending Noventa gala I suppose he felt a bit obligated. I don't know who sets up his 'list of important things to keep in mind', but they need a quack doc, or something. I think the first thing we talked about was what we were going to wear. Hell if I know, it's not that important, right? Dress nice and call it a day. Apparently I was mistaken and got a good twenty minute lecture on dressing etiquette. Honestly.

I wonder if he called Duo, the man would likely chew him out if he so much as started. But again, as Duo has never been to such an event, I suppose it's possible that he'd be determined to look his best. He's hard to read in this aspect. At work it's more or less a slacks and button-down shirt ordeal, yet even with this some days he is more casual and others more formal. I get the impression that his moods greatly determine his outfit and that he is entirely conscious of how he looks. Sometimes I think he even considers if it's acceptable to wear his braid over his shoulder with a certain shirt, or not.

Ah and sharing a room, that will be interesting. Supposedly it's a three star, but the last time Sally told me that it was definitely _not_ a three star (perhaps she meant out of twelve)… Hopefully the spirits will side with me this time.

May 2, AC 202

I believe the phrase to use in this situation is "nervous wreck". The tension is positively wringing my senses. Does this seem odd? I suppose it would. I get nervous rather a lot though, it's just natural. Nobody seems to notice it, though, because I am often told that I handle stressful situations 'extremely well'. Externally perhaps I do. Not always the case internally.

I may be saying things rather hastily though. Now that I've had a second to breath I've calmed down enough to realize that, by and large… by and- for the most part I _am_ rather calm in most stressful situations. Mostly it's just that the situations I handle well are the ones which most other people don't, and Vice Versa.

To make myself clear (by way of explanation), Duo and I have just boarded the flight that will take us to Sanq, where we will get our transfer to the hotel and ball. Zechs had offered that we stay at the old palace, but between Duo, myself and Sally we decided it may be best to just let us stay elsewhere. While he and Relena keep a skeleton crew working in the palace, it would still be uncomfortable and then travel time would nearly double tomorrow when both of us will be dressed all proper (Quatre did lecture Duo as well). I think that Zechs (for while I still call him that old name, he is really Milliardo now) is considered the active Prince of Sanq, since Relena renounced the name in favor of Darlian, and taking up the duties of Vice Foreign Minister rather than that of Princess. I know he doesn't play the role of prince, so I'm not sure exactly what is going on in that matter, no other family of theirs occupies the palace, leaving the title to one of them… Oh for the love of-

Duo's headset broke and apparently he can't sit in silence without it. I gave him mine. It's new and practically unused, so he shouldn't be able to break it (his looked a decade old).

I think he's trying to read this entry as well. Privacy please. Though I suppose it's to be expected, he does always ask what I do on my computer all the time. I'll stop for now then, before he gets any success.

Hopefully tomorrow wont be :

A waste of time

Completely awkward

Embarrassing or

Some terrible flashback of the war…

_Paz Notes:_

_Sorry if this last entry might be confusing. Think of each paragraph as though Hiiro took a break, sat in silence a while and then recued up his compute, then finished and put it away again._

_Also, sorry for the delay I was absorbed by Code Geass, OMGWTHCrazyAwesomeGood-GoWatchNow!! It has Mechs, crazy political/moral dilemmas and Geass – hard to explain quickly. The best description – It's Sunrise/Bandai Entertainment with Clamp character designs – and at least one character with a mask._

_That's all, today…_


	19. Input 19: Noventa Event

Hiiro's Logs

**Hiiro's Logs**

**Input 19: Noventa Event**

May 4, AC 202

Well, while not entirely what I had anticipated, the Noventa's had organized quite the nice event yesterday. I wasn't entirely sure what we were being forced into, but I'm glad that, after all that worrying nothing went wrong.

On the topic of worrying, Duo… It's hard to admit, but I never expected him to be the worrying type, though I think that Quatre was a good, unwitting, portion of the cause. Duo was downright frantic when we were getting ready, often forgetting what he was looking for or doing and mumbling to himself. I can't say that I understand his organizational method (in the least) but I know that, somehow and under normal circumstances, he _can_. I need not say that these were not normal circumstances. I think it was about his twentieth pace of the room, looking for something for the fifth time, that I finally had enough and had to put a stop to his behavior. It was unbecoming, especially on him.

I called him a few times, but he seemed to either be ignoring me or that the mumbling-noise he was making was supposed to be his reply. I had to physically grab him by the shoulders to get his full attention. He froze slightly and then managed to say something about not knowing how to 'partake in proper speak.' I may have sighed, I can't remember, then I pushed him to the armchair and told him to sit. This gave me the freedom to finish dressing in peace and then told him to get up so we could catch the Taxi. I realized he was absentmindedly twirling his braid, it surprised me that he hadn't inadvertently pulled the band from it. I was also curious about this trait, I had never seen him do this before.

When he still had the end in his hand as we reached the cab I had to stop him again and pulled the length out of his hand and tossed it back over his shoulder, where it belonged. He was about to say something (all I remember hearing was Quatre's name) but I cut him off, a habit I hope I don't begin to abuse.

I think I said something like, "Ignore what Quatre said to you over the vid. I would bet he was just rambling on about various large events and forgot that you've never been to any. I know for certain he would not have let a word out of his mouth if he'd known you'd be this upset by it. Besides, not all events are run the same and most aren't anything to worry about. This nervousness doesn't suit you, it's not like it's the annual meeting, it's just an event to meet other survivors from the war and engage them in a peaceful manner, no longer marred by that brutality."

He didn't reply to that, but also didn't exhibit any more nervous activities. We got into the car and that was that. I wish Sally could have found us a closer hotel though, the car ride was about twenty minutes and full of Duo staring at me through the reflection in the window… Reminds me all too much of when he first started and how I kept finding him looking at me oddly. This flash-back doesn't entirely make me comfortable, either.

With preparations behind us, the actual event was pleasant. Like I said, I wasn't really sure what to expect, but it was very nicely done. No one seemed to ask the question that everyone was afraid of (what side were you on). Which was a nice break. A few people were comfortable in mentioning it in conversation, but nobody made a big deal about it. There were several other families of survivors besides the Noventas. I think that they went to unspeakable lengths to get a few people from every aspect of the social order at this event as well, a welcome change, if you ask me.

I was expecting it to be more of a ball than what it ended up being, not that I'm complaining. I had no date and don't exactly feel comfortable dancing with strangers, so a full ball would have been less than favorable. There was a lovely little twelve piece orchestra playing in the main room, but it was soft and didn't overpower the notion that you really were supposed to be talking with those around you. The venue was several rooms, the one with the orchestra, and three smaller rooms with various types of seating. The ballroom was also staffed with catering and very lovely servers, I hope the Noventa's tipped them well.

When we arrived at the front archway and went to walk in, I noticed a slowness to Duo's pace. I faced him to find a slack-jaw gape on his face. I would have laughed, but in the reflection off the cab window I noticed Sylvia Noventa heading in our direction. To get him back to his manners I nudged him (with my fist) and he managed to lock away all his stupor and manage to look like he almost knew what was going on.

I had both expected and been surprised to find that Sylvia had come out specifically to greet me. She was very civil and asked about how I had been 'since'. I told her a rough outline and then introduced my 'work partner' Duo. I wanted to mention the 'work partner' thing because I'm pretty sure I saw Duo flinch when I said this. I'm only 'pretty sure' because he introduced himself and began talking to her like his usual character, without missing a beat. He made the decision of mentioning that I had told him about her 'a few years ago', thereby informing her, without saying anything he could rightfully get in trouble for, that he had also been a Gundam Pilot (for who else would know my connection to her that long ago).

The regular pleasantries aside we walked around, making notes on the demeanor of several other guests, deciding who had suffered which types of injuries based on their current state, and trying to guess "who was on what side" (obviously his idea) without having the ability to confirm or deny. Duo also frequently partook in the 'free food'. I'm surprised he didn't get sick with how much he was eating. It was also, though I tried to hide this from him with a cover of aggravation, rather amusing when he would ask me 'what exactly am I eating right now' every now and then; the truth behind this being that there were some rather obscure dishes available. At least once I had to humbly tell him that I didn't know, in the slightest, what he was shoveling into his mouth.

At about eight the buffet was closed and some formalities took place. I won't recap them here, I had to write enough for Lady earlier and while I probably could copy and paste from my sent e-mails, I'd really rather not deal with that right now.

In abridged format:

"Hello, everyone who survived the war. The war was pretty much full of death and sucked. It's such a good thing we all have lived through it so that we can tell others how things can improve if we try to avoid such atrocities. I'm glad you could all come, we have former Oz, White Fang, Triez Faction, Romafeller Foundation, Barton Foundation, Alliance, and even Gundam Pilots all here this night. (Lady made an appearance here and contributed her bit: I hope we can all put those titles behind us and spend this night together as friends and comrades striving for world peace.) Enjoy the festivities and your stays with us, as well as present company. Thank you"

It did kind of annoy me that the speaker mentioned the former alliances we all had, but I suppose if you want to get across to everyone that there was a point in time we were all trying to kill one another, he couldn't have been more blunt. There was a murmur for each title, excepting Gundam Pilots, which received more of a widespread gasp. We really weren't that special, people. We were just really careless and really, really stupid children. 本当に.

After this little speech it was time for another event to start, as participants with smaller children began to leave, the full bar opened. Needless to say, once it was spotted I was attacked by the most pathetic 'puppy-dog eyes' I've ever seen. I was never told that we couldn't drink, but figured that if he got drunk it would be annoying (and possibly more obnoxious than he usually is) and told him so. He thought about it and, instead of acting like a mature adult replied "So if I just get tipsy everything should be Kosher, right?"

Face. Palm. I really did it too. It was mortifying. He got a right kick out of it, the bastard. I made to stomp away, but ended up facing Quatre who was shadowed by Trowa, interestingly enough, we hadn't run into them yet. Escape intercepted, we ended up just floating around the crowd with Master Winner. Then Zechs joined us, accompanied by Wufei (who was wearing a Preventers jacket, the numb-skull). Duo wandered off and came back with a few beers and six shots of… something… It was pretty awful, but we made a toast and I figured it would be rude to back out. After an hour Zechs was called off by Lady to do some baby-kissing leaving the five of us talking about nothing-in-specific. Duo then began to tease Wufei about something and somehow then ended up in a drinking war…? I don't quite get it, but Trowa informed me later that Duo had won.

Quatre was called off by someone after a while and Trowa and I sat and talked about life status. He vaguely informed me that he was attracted to Quatre, but wasn't sure what it meant or what he was planning to do about it. I informed him that Duo interests me more than any other being I've yet encountered. No more than an hour and a half later Duo returned with Wufei (by this I mean that Wufei's arm was over Duo's shoulder and Duo was more or less carrying the other man). Wufei was clearly drunk, but once again, Duo didn't seem to be greatly affected by his drink. It was when Trowa asked what he had been doing with Wufei, and he answered "not sure" before amending "we were drunkin," that I realized he was not much better than Wufei. We sat the two of them down but after about fifteen minutes of Duo teasing a Wufei that was having trouble swatting him away, we decided that we should all probably leave. Trowa retrieved Quatre, as they and Wufei are apparently staying at the same hotel as we are. We decided that it would take two people to handle Wufei, but that Duo was at least with it enough that I should be able to handle him alone and got into our rides (Quatres being a limo, mine a taxi).

Getting Duo into the taxi was interesting. Getting back to the hotel was even more interesting because we had to stop twice so Duo could get some air (apparently alcohol and long car rides don't mix well – actually, Trowa just told me that the car ride had almost made Wufei sick as well). Once we were in the hotel room Duo was pretty much asleep, my only chore was to remind him to change, he reminded himself to brush his teeth.

It is now noon the day after, Duo is still asleep, Trowa informs me that Wufei is bitching about his hangover and can't sleep anymore and Quatre is doing Quatre-things around town. I haven't heard from Zechs or Lady yet, but I think that, while we're all around and otherwise available, we should do something together. I'll leave the planning up to the others though.

…

Does he have some form of sense that has informed him of my desire to make plans? He stirred and when I looked at him his eyes were open. I think I may have jumped a little; his breathing hadn't changed, so I assumed he was still asleep…

…

Looks like he wants to get out of the hotel and do something with the others as well. He's going to do his morning routine and then we're going to head out.

When I asked him how he felt he simply said 'fine'... I guess the only problem, then, would be getting Wufei up…

_Paz Notes:_

_For starters, I had half of this chapter already written and was going to finish it. Then, Suddenly, and without warning, it was gone. Literally. I have no idea what happened. After grunting to myself for a few hours, I finally got it back together and decided to make a bigger and better chapter for you. I'm not sure how it turned out. But when I went to upload it, TA DA wireless is no longer active! Why I ask? No one answers. SO we wait and then Voila, suddenly it works again the next day. Whatever._

"staffed with catering and very lovely servers, I hope the Noventa's tipped them well."_ This is actually a secret desire of mine, I work catering part time (weekends, mostly) for extra cash and it's really a pain when the damn wedding doesn't tip you. We work so hard too ;; (I staffed this meeting/informational dinner the other day – the party cost them 4000 dollars. Want to know how much I was tipped? THREE DOLLARS. Yeah, from the lady who wanted to get drunk and had me running drinks for her. Awesome.)_

**本当に**, Casual form being ほんと

_Read "Honto", Translate as "Really" or "Truly"._

"Drinking war"

_This may or may not exist IRL, in my head it means that they took drinks or shots of the same type at the same time until one got drunk. The first drunk looses, and of course, he gets more drunk because he tries to deny it until it's really obvious and the other guy calls him out on it. Don't worry though, Wufei isn't plastered. He will be hung-over though, and I certainly don't want to be there for that. He can be pretty scary sober…_

_WARNING THE FOLLOWING BIT IS COMPLETELY USELESS INFORMATION:_

_So I was scanning the dictionary (Cause I do that sometimes) and I found this word, right (there are LOTS of those in a dictionary). But we're going to make this into a game, cause I said so. I'll state the definition and if you can guess it correctly (post a comment with it) I'll do something cool, and which I haven't thought of yet, for you…first one to comment with the word wins, state your source please._

_Definition: The left-hand page in a book (Webster's II Dictionary, Third Office Edition, 2005)_

_For the winner, uhm… How about I draw a simple/quick/chibi version of you (or your character)? I'd try to feature you in a story, but that may just get a little messy…_


	20. Input 20: Home

Hiiro's Logs

**Hiiro's Logs**

**Input 20!! Home**

May 5, AC 202

Back on a plane and returning to a daily job I most definitely needed a break from.

I really need to consider actually using some of my vacation time, I can't keep letting it build up like I have for the past several years. Before I know it I'll have a whole year's time saved up… Just the same, I have no idea what I'd do for a vacation - in part the reason why I haven't taken any yet… Sick days either.

In any case, we're on the plane and Duo, thankfully, is taking a 'nap'. I put this in quotes because it'd be more accurate to say that he's sleeping, as I'm almost certain he never got around to doing such last night, but he used 'nap' so I'll quote him on that.

Ugh. It feels like it's been so long that we've been away but it's only been a matter of days. Furthermore, "Ugh' is apparently my new favorite word to type.

Yesterday was quite the full day. We discovered that Lady and Zechs had other obligations, so we let them be and once we got Wufei out of the hotel room we went to a late lunch, followed by a walk down town. We ended up going into a great number of odd shops (odd by my meaning). Some shops were high end things Quatre was piqued by, some were atlas and world-related things that Trowa and Wufei were interested in and the rest were shops nobody really wanted to know what was inside but that Duo forced us into for just that reason. It was truly terrible… Well, no. Not entirely, when he scared the crap out of Quatre in that "Zemgawe Mal" bazaar it was actually hysterical, though I'm not sure if it was because of Quatre's fright or from his overzealous pummeling of the American which followed the fright.

After this we went out to a late dinner which was nice. We all exchanged a little news about our lives, Quatre asked everyone if they had 'someone special', because that's what he always asks anyone when he sees them in person. Not a one of us were very comfortable answering him this question though, and he got a little pouty. Naturally he cheered up when we started talking about each of our work environments and coworkers. Most of this talk seemed to involve me and Duo arguing over exact details, or opinions, of something that occurred at our Preventers office. We also got to hear of Quatre and Trowa's surprise at Duo for taking the position (a few years late). Quatre also told us a little about his new Resource satellite construction plan. Sounds like a big overhaul, but he seems to know what he's doing (for a man who complains that he's not cut out for that type of work he sure handles it well )

Then we all headed back to the hotel. Somehow it was decided that we would sit and talk a while before going to bed, which led us to Quatre's suite (the way the man talks and acts at times makes me forget that he is the CEO of an enormous corporation). I gave up the ghost at 1 am and just curled up on the couch, the same time Trowa decided it was time for his pre-bed shower and was offered to use Quatre's. I have no idea about the nighttime affairs of the other three. My bet is that it has something to do with the fact that Duo is sleeping now.

Also, Trowa couldn't make the flight with us, apparently he has to make a short stop elsewhere with his troupe. A one night thing, then he heads out way. Like pre-planned, we'll wait until the last night before bothering him. We've told him this, so that he doesn't think we completely disregarded him when we don't come the first night.

May 6, AC 202

As nice as it was to be away, there really is nothing like a good sleep in your own bed. I never really appreciated that until this morning. I may need to actually go away on vacation, like I wrote yesterday. It makes this place somehow more attractive. It makes me feel less like I'm forced to stay here, and more like I actually want to be here. It's rather nice.

Today there was no work so Duo and I could readjust from jet lag and settle. I took this opportunity to rearrange my living room furniture and tidy up.

That was all.

_Paz Notes:_

_So apparently I forgot to update last weekend… I have a valid excuse, I SWEAR. It's on my deviantART though… It's called Request- Sitting Comfortably… It may make up for the lack of update… You'll like it, I swear…_

_And if not… well shit, sorry guys… ;;_

_At the end of Episode Zero, in the bonus comic Preventer Five, Quatre is approached by Wufei, who needs his help. Quatre literally replies "I was starting to think… This really isn't me" indirectly pointing to the stack of paperwork on his table…_

_ALSO, CONGRATS CHLOE, she won the contest thing. I'm mostly done with her prize too – I am putting off finishing it for this update, it'll BE DONE by tomorrow the latest. I'm thinking of doing more, but I need to come up with a better game… comments or email suggestions if you got 'em._


	21. Input 21: Introspective

Hiiro's Logs

**Hiiro's Logs**

**Input 21: Introspective**

May 8, AC 202

About two and a half months ago I noticed that Duo was starting to play-flirt with a great number of our co-workers and subordinates. Apparently today he decided that he'd toed the line long enough and that it was time to jump headlong into the unknown… Forcing me to ponder my subconscious.

My feelings, in regards to his talking to the others like this has, I now realize, has always been mixed. What I was more or less conscious about was the fact that I was both embarrassed and slightly jealous that he could talk this way, so carelessly and free, with the others. What I didn't notice, until recently, was that I was also jealous that he wasn't doing it with me. I want to be able to say "I can't understand why", but after a few days of thinking about it, I've actually always known why.

Truth be told, I was upset that Duo was comfortable joking around with 'those strangers', but not with me. They aren't _actually_ strangers at all, we've only added two employees in the few-days-short-of-two-years he's worked with me… The realization came when I noticed that 'flirted' with some other 'recluses' from time to time. I know he didn't do this as often with these people as with the others (and even less than some specific people)… Yet only I, his officemate, was left alone. While I appreciate that he didn't do this with me in public eye, like he might with the vast majority, I somehow still expected him to do it.

I wanted him to do it.

Why? Why- I want to make a sentence of that word, but it in its lonesome the word seems to more fully encompass all the specifics I wish to ask.

While I fully comprehend that I was jealous, I can't seem to find the reasons, in specific, which caused the emotion. It eludes me. My best guess is that, I want to feel more closely like a peer with Duo, rather than just another coworker. Though it is in fact his coworkers that he's been sharing this behavior with… Perhaps 'friend' is the more appropriate word, I want to feel more like a friend than a peer.

In any case, all that has changed now.

Namely, he started flirting with me, and yes, he started in the privacy of our office. I was incredibly startled, having subconsciously been harboring these feelings for two months. I didn't even respond. But he was confident, and followed it up with another quip.

I couldn't help but smile. He showed a mild amusement mixed with surprise, and then pestered me to say what was on my mind that was making me smile. After being asked the same thing a few different ways, and having trouble containing my amusement, I managed to brush him off with an insult. After a mocking pout and one last comment he left the room to do his deed. I made sure to tell him to close the door, my excuse being the noise level. In actuality, I laughed.

I don't even know how rare that is, from me. An honest laugh? Hiiro Yui? How many Hells is _that_ likely in? I admit I do laugh in some form on occasion, but it's usually the rehearsed type of laugh. Even when with the others a few nights ago I didn't fully laugh, but rather had a chuckle here or there…

I'm actually a little scared by these facts.

I was fine by the time he got back, and managed to mostly conceal the smirk…I think… (though he was blatantly glowing at me, suggestively, of course – door open this time)

I don't usually smile at work. That may sound horrible, but it's true. I may have heard comment or two about it within the privacy of a cubicle or two on passing. Nora (our secretary, but more often then not just mine) was so startled that she inquired as to the reason for my pleased expression.

And yes, this scares me. I didn't even know I wanted him to notice me that much. How? When? I don't know what's happening here. Seven years ago I would have flat out insulted him, a glare thrown, or some other rude gesture. Now I am so elated that I can't even contain it. I literally struggle to do so.

I need to go sleep this off, but I think that I'll have trouble sleeping…

It'll be a long night

May 9 AC 202

For the first time in recorded history I have called into work to request a sick day.

I didn't sleep well last night at all. In retrospect though, I should have just gone into work and got my mind off things. I've been trying to keep busy around the apartment but nothing is helping. I keep reading the previous input and getting lost in thought.

It's only noon for god's sake. How long will this linger?

I've even tried to resort to television programming, but the programs during the day are atrocious and can't keep my attention long enough, so I end up thinking. Thinking brings me to the previous input and I'm back where I started… I tried picking up a book I've been meaning to read and end up zoning out well before I've finished a page, back in thought I go.

I was so flustered a half an hour ago that I called back to work and told them I was feeling better and asked if they wanted me to come back in. Duo must've been passing by the security desk when I called because they shouted out to him and asked if he needed help or if it was okay to let me stay home. He walked over to the vid and looked at me a second. "Nah, you might think you feel better, but you look like you need some sleep. Stay home and get better, that way I can harass you some more tomorrow, 'aight?"

How can I argue with that? I do need sleep, I just don't know how to get any when my mind is whirling.

I suppose there is one way, but I haven't done that since the war, so I may be out of practice… If trained you can get your body to do anything... Though on the other side of the spectrum, I could take something, but while I entertain the idea, I know in reality I would never.

I think part of the problem is that I don't know why thinking about it bothers me. I wanted it, and it was funny. I've never been a thinker, this is just over my head. I need something to _do_. Fast. I'm going to go take a run around the block, maybe that'll help, and at the least it may help make me more tired.

_Paz Notes:_

_I hope I didn't make Hii toooooo OOC for everyone… but really, we never see him to introspective, so it's hard to know how he thinks…_

_I still can't come up with a good game. I'm thinking about maybe doing something like a treasure hunt where I post something on one of my other internet distractions, then I'll ask a question in this section and whoever knows the answer and replies first wins. This would mean tying my DA, FFnet, Plurk, Tegaki, and LJ all into one, but that sounds like a lot of work for me, and a lot of internet stalking for you busy people, so I haven't figured that out yet… maybe I'll just use some (the ones I use most; DA and Plurk). What do you think? _

_Comment or email suggestions if you have them._


	22. Input 22: Pain Inducing

Hiiro's Logs

Input 22: Pain-Inducing

May 10, AC 202

Is this what doting is? Cause its driving me up a wall.

To clarify, I am at work. I want to suffocate Duo.

To sum up yesterday: after running, doing a moderate exercise, and taking a shower I was able to calm down. Did some rearranging of furniture (just to decide I'd like it better in the original layout, and move it all back) and then surfed the internet for couches. Unfortunately, after browsing through over 100 chouches I decided that I'm more likely to just hold onto the money for a while than to actually buy anything for my apartment at this point in time.

Needless to say, I slept quite well last night, as I was quite nearly exhausted. Being honest with myself, I have to admit, I had a rather hard time getting up this morning. This almost never happens to me though there are a few days of the year that this meager activity becomes a laborious chore for even my punctual self.

Duo saw me come into work and I guess I had overslept, because my head still felt heavy, and I dare say I yawned when I walked through the door. Apparently those two things were all he needed to ascertain that whatever was wrong with me yesterday must still be in affect.

I admit, I now feel disgusted that I spent so much time thinking about all that... bull's shit yesterday. It was absolutely not worth the effort. He's just the same crazy American bastard (in the most positive and potentially-endearing sense of the words) that he's always been and I was most positively over thinking the whole ordeal. I can honestly say that I DO understand that he's trying to be a help, and he's trying to be nice, but, truthfully, enough is enough...

I think I've told him off nearly four times today for checking up on me, asking if I need help, and an assortment of other small niceties in such excess that I begin to wonder if he is in fact secretly trying to belittle me. It's aggravating. Excessively aggravating.

Or maybe the two nights of atypical sleep are having some negative affect on me...

Or maybe he's just being a serious pain in my ass. I'm betting on the pain-in-the-ass.

I'm going to take an hour walk around town now, rather than have lunch. I need a breather.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~-----------

_PAZ NOTE:_

_all I really have to say for myself is... sorry for disappearing. I really don't have a damned decent excuse. I hope there are still readers..._

_ALSO, thank you SUNHawk, for getting the fan-writing juices flowing in me again. I love Iron Arc to DEATH._

_It's short cause.. I ran out of ideas.. it really has been a long time~_


End file.
